A cake, one could argue, is greater than the sum of its parts. Flour. Eggs. Sugar. Mix into a sludge. Then bake. And out comes a miracle! Or, if you’re like me, just eat it before baking. Why waste the energy when the batter is so wonderful. Yet if you eat that you’re just a pig, but eating cake is the height of civility. Go figure.
So how about the Bake Off? The Great British Bake Off? Four people and a fucking great tent. You could do it in your own garden. Buy a few ovens. Pots and pans. Sorted. The Great Conway Family Bake Off. Mel could be the judge and me and the girls could squabble, argue and make stupid comments about soggy bottoms and stupid innuendos about limp dough. Its easy. Ok, a few contestants would be an idea but really they’re not that necessary.
Its a formula. And a fantastically successful one. I won’t watch talent shows, I don’t do dance-offs, sewing circles or people eating shit on desert islands. But I love Bake Off. And I love cake.
And now its over. The BBC have lost the programme to Channel 4. For a mere 75 million quid. That’s a lot of eggs.
Yet 3 out of the 4 stars of the show have refused to sign contracts with the new Channel. They won’t leave the BBC. Therefore the Great British Bake Off becomes The Paul Hollywood Show. And without the charm of Mary Berry and the wit and love from Mel & Sue, it becomes a grumpy, miserable old fat git with blue eyes moaning in a horrible brummy accent about baking incompetence. I’m sure there are lots of Brummies would do that for less than 500,000 pounds a series. I’d put on the accent and do it for a tenner a show. Long as I could swear.
And what’s to stop the BBC coming up with a new show? The Gross Brutish Buke Orf. And have 5 people starring, instead of 4, put them in a field instead of a tent, and bake things in a different order? I’m no intellectual property lawyer (I’d rather be a serial child-molester) but seems to be you can’t stop the BBC from baking stuff.
Never mind, Mark Zuckerberg is going to eliminate all disease and illness for $3billion. What a relief. I’ll cancel my shoulder jab next Friday and get cured on Facebook for nothing. What a great man he is. Throw a few bob at any problem and it can be solved. Its that easy.
Saint Mark.
Happy Saturday
A xxxx
BB-off! No, I am not swearing, now would I?? Never watched it in full, only skimmed it whilst running back and forth from kitchen to lounge/salon, to serve my man with whatever he fancies…..to eat! 86 in a couple of weeks and still going strong PPP.
Your shoulder Andy – you need a good osteopath son. I can call you that because you are about 10 years younger than our eldest, also called Andy. Our whole family goes to Ian of Mill Hill and have been so doing for years. He keeps procedures and injections away. Please email if you want his details. Just a reminder too, our youngest, Steve aged 54 gets married next week to Aislinn aged 38! First marriages for both. I mentioned Steve to you a long time ago because he had a little friend in primary school called Andy Conway, but alas, we discoverd it was not you. Wonder where little Andy is now. He was cute and short. They all are at primary aren’t they!
Spurs are not doing too badly either!
Happy Sunday!
Shirley xxxx