I’m a Lundunner. Not one oo speaks like’a, ya’know, one’a dem kids wots needin Kier Starmer’s speech and locution bollox, none-a-dat-shit fer me, but a real Lundunner wot don’t never stop for pedestrian signals. I’d rather get run over dodging buses, trucks and speeding police cars than wait for a little green man to tell me when to cross a road. I wouldn’t stand there like an Italian school party when the road’s perfectly clear. Not in my blood. Which may get spread the road at odd times, I appreciate that, but such is life. But sometimes, when I come to cross a road, the little man is coincidentally green. So I have to pretend I’m a tourist and cross at the correct moment. Like this morning. And as I took one stop onto the crossing, with the little green man smiling at me opposite, I nearly got hit by a tosser on a Lime bike coming through… well, I would say ‘red light’, but as this particular tosser was riding the wrong way down a 1-way street, there wasn’t actually a light there. Because they don’t have traffic lights where no traffic should be. At which point my anger and indignation simply melted in admiration. This guy’s either just pure oblivious or cares even less for traffic rules and regulations than I do. Respect.

For yesterday’s entertainment combined with free child labour abuses, I engaged two very willing helpers to wash the car. Sunny day, dirty car, Lila and Joey totally enthused; what could possibly go wrong??? Well, first, we need to ‘take a sponge’. But there’s 5 and they both want the same one. Why? Stupid question. They just do. So after a little game in which I clean a car and they lob wet sponges onto the roof for me to retrieve, Joey got hold of the hose. It took about 10 minutes of pouring water onto the offside rear wheel until he got bored and pointed it at his sister. Then it all went a bit ‘reservoir dogs’ for a while, as I sponged and soaped away, because I turned round to see Lila, two feet away from Joey, with the hose in hand, just soaking him. Something he really didn’t mind at all. Just took it like a… well, like a four year-old boy who likes getting wet.

3 changes of clothes later, we were good as new. And the car was clean. Job done.

Happy Friday

A xxxx