A third of under-25s in Britain do not drink alcohol. Not a drop. The rest address the whole ‘getting pissed’ thing with a disinterest verging on the plainly sensible. It’s almost as if they view binge-drinking, throwing up in Ubers, falling over drunk and waking up in the kerbside as some kind of bad thing.

What are the 16-25 year olds going to do in the park at night? To wash down the drugs with? How are they going to explain dancing like a total nob-end when they’re sober? Sexual inadequacy will have no excuse other than sexual inadequacy. Drunken fumblings (not like Kavanaugh, normal ones) will just become fumblings of a more pathetic, inexperienced and clueless nature. Or just plain ‘sexual assault’. The kids will no longer have a reason to pick a fight with the biggest guy in the pub. What will they do at football matches? Rush down at halftime for a bottle of Evian?

The whole fabric of the ‘British way of life’ is being compromised by these selfish, egotistical young people who consider themselves too sophisticated and enlightened to follow the traditions of their cultural heritage. Of drunkenness. At every opportunity. In excess. Which has always been moderated by an ethos of ‘until its all gone’. Then you steal someone else’s and the fights start. How could these youth not want to embrace that??

Ok, that’s a little extreme. Sobriety can only be a good thing. Apparently. Just doesn’t feel that way once the first Scotch of a Friday night has settled itself warmly in your brain. Abstinence may make the heart grow stronger (and protect you from cancers, liver disease, blood issues and a whole host of baddies) but there’s a little bit of me that actually mourns this new information.

I like the fact that teens don’t listen to their parents. I like they fact that they question everything and demand empirical experience before making judgments. That they try alternatives before adhering to some set of normalising rules. I am aware that there is a difference between ‘thinking outside the box’ and ‘thinking smashed out-yer-box’ but both are expressions of expansive minds. Just ones that are expanding in slightly different directions. Possibly a yin and yang thing.

Ok, I just fear the word ‘abstinence’ like I fear the word ‘censorship’ and the word ‘don’t!’

I need a beer.

Happy Wednesday from the Promised Land

A xxxx