For breakfast, I eat a banana. And an apple. Because my body’s a temple, apparently a fruitarian one, and I don’t want it looking like the Taj Mahal. Yet really, its not about that at all. I eat a banana because its good and, even more oddly in any ‘nutrition conversation’, I like them. And I generally won’t do the whole kale, seaweed, stewed spinach, rape seeds, kind’a thing because I won’t eat shit I don’t like, however much longer I might eventually live as a consequence. Better a great shorter life than one which goes on forever by force-feeding yourself stuff you hate.

And I don’t really like cereals and only have porridge on a Sunday. Because… who knows, but I do. Basically, I can’t be bothered with breakfast. It’s time consuming to prepare and I’d rather not bother. However, should YOU prepare one for me (as if) then that would be a different kettle of kedgeree altogether. I’ll eat anything in a hotel breakfast buffet, normally, I eat everything. Then go back for more. It really is not a matter of being unable to eat so early or anything like that. I can always eat, and generally as much as is sitting there. And I love it.

I could stop off on the way to work and eat half my bodyweight in fried stuff. But would feel guilty doing so. Not guilty from a Jewish perspective, eating all that banned produce, but guilty from a saturated fat/processed meat/salt perspective. So I never do that. Even though I could so easily fall down that slipperiest of slopes.

On Sunday I was going to meet a mate for coffee at 11. And thought, as I was walking there, that I had to get back in time for a quick lunch before picking up Lila as we had a date with the Mr Men show which I was very excited about. And then I thought: “hmmmmm”, just like that. “Hmmmmm”. Why don’t I invent a new meal? Earlier than lunch, later than breakfast? I could call it… brunch!!! Nah, never catch on. And so, I found myself sitting in my fave cafe with an immense plated heaped with food. It was a Noah’s Ark kind of plate with two of everything. Most animals were represented there and a few non-meat things too, as baked beans are at least 3 of my 5-a-day. Mushrooms aren’t strictly ‘veg’, being fungi, but at that point I really didn’t give a shit. It was yer classic ‘fry up’ but being in North London, the eggs were organic, the meat grilled, the toast… brown and the chef said ‘ohmmmmm’ all through the cooking.

I was still feeling guilty about it this morning, until I read a little piece in the Times. Which told me that eating a big breakfast is the healthiest thing you can ever do. Bigger the better, more calories, more everything, actually makes you metabolise better, reduces heart problems, cholesterol issues, everything. Full English is the new statin! Almost. Because it also said ‘only if you then eat very little at dinnertime’. So I ignored that bit.

But this is the best news ever. Eat a humongous, pig-out breakfast and live forever. I’m in.

Happy guilt free Thursday

A xxxx