Schools are on half term this week. So ‘Lila and Joey Thursdays’ take on a whole new life. No more taking them to school and having 5 hours of ‘getting shit done’ before pick-up time, swimming lessons (theirs, not mine), then back for dinner. No. Half term means we spend the day keeping Joey away from anything breakable, including his sister, playing and, it must be said, endless fun.

The kids had 3 days this week at ‘tennis camp’. Where they learned… tennis. Who’d’a thought? So as it was dry-ish, we walked round to my little club and the four of us spent a surprisingly long time (Joey’s attention span is limited, other than playing chess, oddly, football, and doing maths, which he’s quite remarkable at), knocking balls back and forth, even fifth. Kids feel that its better to try and hit the ball as hard as you can, rather than actually making contact with it or playing a shot. They’ll learn. And it was rather nice all round.

Then Prince Andrew got arrested and the whole tone of the day changed. The ex-Prince, to give him his proper title, was taken in for sending sensitive trade stuff to… who else but everyone’s favourite dead man of the moment, Jeffrey Epstein. Back in 1827 or 1973 or whenever. Don’t mattah! Crime’s a crime, innit. Even when perpetrated “AL-LEG-EDLY”, by a once-Royal parasite and no-good-nik and all-round hate-figure. No-one was unhappy for Andy to become the first arrested Royal since Charles I back in… long time ago. Because whether Andy raped Virginia Giuffre or not, he still needs banging up just for being an arrogant pig once married to Fergie, the pig’s pig.

We went out for lunch. Which was memorable only for the outrageous price of eating mediocre food in a pleasant environment with kids ordering hot chocolate. Mine was ok. Joey’s was better. As I finished his too. Lila ate most of her shakshuka. Which was a bit selfish when I’m sitting there waiting, but good for her.

We went to see a show about ‘bugs’. Which everyone seemed to enjoy. Especially the ‘everyones’ under 10. Of which there were many.

Then we had to go into the loft to get a new jigsaw puzzle out. Lila loves the loft. Cos its dark and spooky. Joey, not so much. But we all went up the dodgy extendable ladder anyway, because why wouldn’t you? Then we started on the puzzle (big one, proper one) because Lila has always been quite remarkable at doing puzzles.

Then we ate some more, sent the kids home and… collapsed in a fucking heap. We have all week to put the house back together.

Happy day-after

A xxxx