I can’t tell you how happy yesterday’s football result made me… but I’m going to try. Not just to upset West Ham fans, not just to probably irritate Arsenal fans, but just because I want to due to my extreme joy at this event.

Also, here’s a funny thing: my mate Bobby became a grandfather yesterday, to a lovely little boy. Whose mother is one of our own, but whose father is a West Ham fan!!! Even though he’s lovely? Can you believe that? So little Baby (as yet sans name) was actually born on the day his parent’s football teams clashed. The decision was made, (not by me, if it was my grandchild there would be NO argument and I’d have tattooed a cockerel on him before you could say ‘cut the umbilicus’), that whoever won the game would be the team for Baby ???? forevermore. So he’s one of our own, he’s one of our oooooo-own, little baby ****, he’s one of our own.

And the match was Jimmy Greaves’s ‘game’a two halves’. The first of which was hard fought but very cautious and careful, and the second was slightly more open to the extent where Spurs scored a quite superb goal. I would say ‘brilliant’ but modesty prevents such excesses. Ok, it was fucking brilliant. Scored by our wing back.

And then Sonny came on. Consigned to the substitute’s bench he entered the fray to the joy and thrill of about 2,000 South Koreans for whom the man is a god. Waving their little white flags around, they were so happy it almost made me cry. And then their hero made West Ham cry. With a goal of true beauty (every time the ball hits the back of the opponent’s net its officially ‘a thing of true beauty’). But this really was. Harry Kane inevitably played Sonny in and our favourite Korean controlled it with a sublime first touch and a clinical finish.

That was it. Job done. Game over. We’d overtaken Newcastle to re-claim 4th place. Consigned West Ham to remain in the relegation zone (where they fucking belong!!!) and most importantly, showed this little baby the light. Even though unaware he was living a monumental and life-defining moment, even of his, at that point, pretty short life, the forces of good overtook the dark side and claimed him. So he too can enjoy his share of the dashed hopes, eternal longing, abject misery and utter despair, every Saturday (and sometimes Tuesday/Wednesday but NEVER Thursday) that the rest of us know and… errrr… love. What a (fucking) gift to bestow on one so young and innocent.

Mazzletov to all concerned. The family and ALL Spurs fans.

A xxxx