I hate Spurs. I hate Newcastle. I certainly hate Arsenal. And I hate football.

Football is the new religion. Its what people do on ‘the 7th day’. Though also on the 2nd, 3rd, often 4th, sometimes 5th (Europa) and rarely 6th. And the 1st. Sometimes. But groups of men (religion is always about men; women can join in but they don’t really count) join together for a common cause and sing and pray together for a few hours for spiritual cleansing. And swearing. And drinking. Its about being part of something bigger. Something spiritual. Something important. Camaraderie and worship. Church, football. The latter being generally more sincere. Certainly more consistent. You don’t get 25 pages every monday dedicated to the hymn of the week, or the bible passage. But you do about football.

And in times of hardship, religion needs to be stronger. When someone gets ill; has an accident, business fails, its never a matter of God not caring, or not noticing (He notices everything; He’s like my mother-in-law) but of allowing shit to happen. Telling you (apparently) that you need to try harder, worship louder.

Thus with football. When lofty Spurs, 14 games undefeated and playing great football, come up against lowly Newcastle, struggling at the foot of the table, despite beating Liverpool last week, the result should have been a given. Free points. Fourth place, blah, blah, blah.

Man plans, God laughs. Even though He’s a Spurs fan too. I saw him in the West Stand one day eating a smoked salmon bagel.

It started so well. We were hard, fast, aggressive and great. We scored, all was according to plan at half time.

When it all started to go wrong. We came out playing like the rest of the match was now just a formality. Just plod around for 45 minutes until you can look at your phone for the league table. No sweat. Stay calm.

So, just as against Stoke (2-0 up, final score 2-2), against Leicester (1-0 up, conceded equaliser right at the end), Arsenal (1-0 up, failed to capitalise on superiority, drew the game), we managed this time not just to squander the lead but to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Lost 2-1. To Newcastle. Who are so bad they’re even below Chelsea in the league.

Its all gone to shit. God help me.

Happy Monday

A xxxx