We’re all heading for June 21st!!! The biggest day in HISTERRY!!! Not just because its 5 days after my birthday and my hangover would have subsided, but because lockdown gets unlocked. If nothing else happens. And no-one else dies. And the Indians keep their variant to themselves. Said so in the headlines. Because the ‘big crowd’ trials have been very positive. Not like ‘testing positive’ but positive meaning ‘good’. They stuffed hundreds of people together in Sheffield and made them watch snooker for days on end (poor souls, I hope they received sufficient compensation) and only about 3 tested positive afterwards. Same with concerts they held in Liverpool and the Brit awards. Lots of people, no distancing, no masks, all spitting at each other. Ok, no spitting but all those ‘aerosols’ in one place!!!! And very little consequential infection. Which is brilliant.

But in a lesser headline, just next to that one, is a list of the 8 places in England that YOU MUSTN’T GO TO!!!! Including Hounslow. The rest are ‘up north’ so aren’t an issue for me at all. Though possibly I’m more likely to go to Burnley than Hounslow. Until Heathrow opens properly. These are the Indian Variant Hot Spots. Where you mustn’t go. Or leave. Unless you need to. Or want to. Or, do so accidentally. Though its NOT a lockdown, it has no law or legislation behind it, just ‘advice’. Reads like this: DON’T FUCKING LEAVE HOUNSLOW OR WE’LL SHOOT YOU DEAD!!!! Nothing too strong, just ‘advice’.

Similar to the advice about holidays, with school half term coming next week. Don’t travel unless its ‘really essential’. Which all becomes a matter of interpretation. You could argue that you have a week booked to sun yourself in the Algarve and as it won’t come to your garden, it becomes ‘essential’ to travel there. Unless you can ‘beam’ yourself there. James T Kirk did it and he wasn’t even vaccinated.

So I hope that’s clear. The path to being totally unlocked is clear. Unless you live in Bedford or Leicester where they’re building a wall to keep you in. And only travel if it is… something you want to do.

Joey was 2 years old yesterday. I bought him a samurai sword, a gun, knuckle dusters, a machete and some Japanese fighting sticks. Even though he is undecided about how he intends to self-identify so will wait til he’s 3 before announcing his pronouns.

Happy Birthday Jojo

A xxxx