So what do you do in a heatwave? You play tennis. Oh, can’t do that. Well, I can soon, as the doc informed me. Gently (what the fuck does that even mean? If you’re ‘gentle’ then its not ‘sport’, but I shall try) and progressively, but I could be back within weeks. Its been so easy I might get the other shoulder replaced too. Even though its perfectly fine and healthy. Just because then I’d be just a little bit more ‘Terminator’ but without the constant, heads-up, digital display, because it would get in the way when I’m watching football.

And this is an English ‘heatwave’ where temperatures reached almost 20 degrees of Celsius for several minutes at a time!

So we went and picked up the very very old’uns and brought them back here for tea. With the very very young-uns. Who don’t drink tea but they make a massive mess anyway. And as ‘the dads’ both live in the same care home, which is about 5 minutes away, it sounds ‘easy’. And it is. Ish. I go to the home where both are waiting in reception, normally asleep. Its what you do when you in your late 90s. They zimmer-up and accompany me to the car, which is 7 yards from their door. That takes ten minutes, plus another ten to ‘fold’ them into their seats and get them belted. Then comes the major task of the day. Getting two zimmer frames into a car. I don’t think they build cars to accommodate such things, even when folded. Cos ‘folding’ normally implies improved ergonomics, whereas we all know that with zimmers it just shifts the lumps, bumps and legs elsewhere with no space saving whatsoever. I think it actually makes them bigger.

Then they’re here, in the garden, in the sunshine, with Lila and Joey running round ignoring them completely. Because children are attracted to bright colours and things that move, same as animals. And old people lack the brightness and mobility to hold their great-grandchildren’s attention for… well, at all really. And my dad likes my ‘tea’. Which is indeed tea but also what we call ‘the full Ashkenazi’. Because it contains every major food-group which will probably be banned next year. But my dad, at about 8 stone in his shoes and including his Zimmer, is not really an obesity-risk. And smoked salmon is ‘oily fish’, innit? Which is really healthy. Itself something rare and unusual in the world of East European Jewish food.

And to have four generations together is magical. Even if one generation spends about 2 hours watering the garden with the hose to the point of flooding.

Spurs have played relegated teams 5 times on the last day of the season. And lost 3 of those games. I intend to sue the Sunday Times for telling me that and causing me stress.

Happy Final Day Sunday

A xxxx