Today, I was attacked. Not like, at tai chi, when we do it with swords or knives, planks of wood, lumps of concrete, done nicely, friendly, no. This bastard came at me with a fucking needle!!! Attached to a  syringe!!! Filled with… LIQUID!!! Bastard!!! Doesn’t he know I’m a lifelong needlephobe? 

But as the liquid in question was the Pfizer-Biontech Covid Vaccine for  Old People and Opticians, I bore him no malice, nor went into self-defence, BREAK THE FUCKING ARM, mode. And suprisingly (I’ve been surprised like this with every injection since 1962) it didn’t hurt. In fact I couldn’t feel it and thought for one moment I’d been conned out of my due. 

So now I’m safe. I’m cured. I’m allowed out. I can party like its 1999. I can return to football. Play tennis. Go pole dancing.

Because Covid doesn’t just rule our lives, it actually alters our perception.

I have a grandson called Joey. You may have missed that. The world’s smallest, and definitely most beautiful, bulldozer. And on Sunday, it was noticed, in between destroying a few walls and taking the back off the tv, that Joey was ‘warm’. He had… a temperature!!! Yeah, I know, everything has a temperature, this is just an expression meaning ‘a HIGH temperature’. And we immediately entered ‘the protocols’. Which is this: panic, then PANIC, then FUCKING PAAAANNNNIIIICCCC!!!! for all you’re worth. We were banned from visiting, for our own protection. Joey immediately entered lockdown, quarantine, isolation and his own ‘bubble of destruction’ which is just him and George. George? Yeah, Peppa Pig’s brother, do try and keep up. Ok, mummy and daddy were allowed in, just to avoid starvation, dehydration and hygiene issues, and Lila, obviously, or they’d have no-one to fight with. And after 24 hours of this, it was realised that little Joey was sprouting a new tooth. Not a new virus. And even though he’d been pointing at his mouth and crying, this had been duly ignored. Not JUST because of terrible parenting, not JUST because of a total lack of understanding of babies and their developmental health, but because we have all been ‘shielded’ from seeing the wood from the trees.

Well no more!! Covid? I’m over it. Totally. 

Happy Liberation Day

A xxxx