I have a cold. A stinking, rotten, bacteriarised, virus-laden, snotty, bunged-up fucking cold.

A man-cold.

Women don’t get them. They have no idea quite how severe such a condition is. Man-colds are medically proven to be very severe, incredibly life-threatening and rather miserable. But they only affect men. Clinically tested. The only functions that remain for the victim are those that enable the drinking of tea that someone else has made and the operation of a remote control device. And moaning. Lots of moaning.

Its not the dreaded ‘man-flu’, the world’s most horrendous of untreatable diseases, because I have no high temperature. Praise be to Jesus. But I shall refrain from Tai Chi tonight on the grounds that: a. I feel like shit and haven’t slept for two nights; and b. its unfair to share germs. Sharing biscuits is good, germs is bad. And I’d hate to infect one of my co-warriors with a nasty cold as I’m breaking their arm. Wouldn’t be nice. Unfriendly. And we only ever break each others bones in a friendly way. Its one of the rules.

But it could be worse (apparently); I could be in America. Where a vast majority of people interviewed are ‘angry’. With what? Do they have a man-cold epidemic over there? Presumably they interviewed women too? No, these are just plain ‘angry’. With the economy, with immigration and with Washington. Not the city, that’s very pretty, but with the people who make it famous; the government. Over 80% of Republicans don’t trust their government and over 70% of Democrats. Probably nothing to do with the more trusting nature of the latter, more that they have a Democrat president so it wouldn’t do too well to show too much distrust of your own party.

Fortunately for them all, there’s an election coming up in November. A ‘new broom’ will be employed to help Obama move all his golf clubs out of the White House and a new person will be installed. So this year becomes like an 11-month Superbowl build-up. The Iowa Caucuses this week gave Hilary Clinton a tiny lead over Bernie Sanders for the Democrat nomination. Bernie is 94 years old (well, he looks it) yet took over 85% of the under-30 vote from Hilary Clinton, who only gained votes from old people. Many of whom may even die between now and November.

And Donald Trump lost the Republican vote to Ted Cruz. A man who is barely an American. He is a Canadian. From Canadia.

So who will win the election? The comb-over xenophobic misogynist? The foreigner? The cuckolded ex-1st lady? Or the ‘socialist’ Corbynesque old man? (and remember, ‘socialist’ in America is about 3 feet to the right of Maggie Thatcher).

Watch this space. Or watch yer own space; this one’s full of germs.

Miserable Thursday

A xxxx