In a move that will be very popular with vegetarians and will positively thrill the vegan fraternity no end, scientists in America have ‘re-animated’ the brains from beheaded pigs. Ok, before the anti-vivisectionists jump in, though most will probably fit snugly into one of the above groups of generally tree-huggy types anyway, these were heads from an abattoir. Not that such an issue will give comfort that the remainder of the animal is destined to become tomorrow’s bacon sandwich.

So they took the heads, immersed them in blood which, when warmed to the correct temperature (I’m not telling what that temperature is otherwise you’ll all be doing it at home), circulation in Piggy’s brain was restored and there were signs of neurological ‘activity’. Probably worrying about drowning in a pool of blood. Or thinking the piggy version of WTF??? Not sure what level of ‘thinking’ pigs ever do, hence the term ‘pig-ignorant’ and the fact that I’ve never seen one on University Challenge. Only a few Oxbridge post-grads who act like it.

So the scientist in me thinks ‘that’s amazing!’ The meat-eater thinks ‘I like bacon’ and the crusader for animal rights… doesn’t really give a shit because the animal was dead anyway. Or, more dead, perhaps. I just can’t see how this ‘research’ gains anything.

Ok, so you have a failing body with a functional brain, like a Stephen Hawking type scenario, when taken to extreme. Could this study lead the way to removing that brain and putting it inside another body? A better one? In which case, the donor would have to be someone in perfect physical condition but… with a dead brain? Or a decapitation victim but then you’d have to sew on the whole head (we’re talking human heads by now, obviously) and that’s beyond science at the time of writing this.

Or you could go to any gym and find some moronic, muscle-bound narcissist with the body of a god and the brain of a footballer and just steel him and replace his brain with something more functional, more useful.

There is a precedent for all of this. Its in the film The Man with Two Brains which is so accurate as to be almost a documentary. And is also the best film ever. One of 27 to carry that title in my mind.

Hey teacher, leave us pigs alone!

Happy Friday

Anne Uumellmahaye xxxx