There’s a view of coronavirus that ain’t nice, ain’t pleasant but is definitely valid. That it is culling the weak, the infirm, the aged, the sick, from the world. Because although others are affected, by a massive margin, the ‘high risks’ count for a humongous proportion of the actual deaths. Which is why there are so many wonderful conspiracy theories around about the Chinese. Who, let’s face it, would not think twice about annihilating the most financially demanding sector of their own nor anyone else’s societies for the sake of reducing a housing problem of saving a bit of cash. Other than that I maintain a very high regard for the morality of the Chinese people and their government. Well, that and the bats.

But as we grow accustomed to ‘the new world order’, we’re adapting to new ways. Which are pretty much all online. So I do my tai chi online twice a day with my instructor and my mates, on zoom. And its great. In fact it is totally fucking life-saving. Obviously we can’t hit each other in any meaningful way, but we can make up for that ‘on the other side’.

I can’t play tennis. And therefore I’m missing out on any ‘cardio’ stuff that you’re supposed to do. Heart-pounding, panting, sweating, kind’a deal. We do about a 5k walk every day but that don’t do it. Mel & Rachie can’t do their spin for their fix either.

So the daughter has found a solution. Hardcore H.I.I.T. sessions. High Intensity IntervalTraining. Which I decided to join this morning. I mean: how hard can it be? And it was totally brilliant!

Ok, it was totally hateful, painful, agonising and sadistic. Which, in the ‘HIIT’ world, are all big selling points. You’re led by a gay South African lump of smiling muscle. Ok, he’s probably not really gay, in any serious manner, but I prefer to think of him that way to compensate for any misplaced sense of physical perfection any women may presume about him. And, smilingly, he makes you do squats, and planks, and squats jumping into planks, and planks lifting arms and legs off the ground, then lifting all limbs and torso off the ground, then jumping; star jumps, skip jumps, twist your right leg into your left ear 17 times whilst jumping and twisting. Sit ups of all types, keep going, half way there!! keep going, 6… and 5… keep the rhythm, 4… and 3… … and 1 and NOW you can lean over and vomit. Well done. Quick wipe and into plank, just one finger on one hand, both feet off the floor, bounce up and down for 50… 49…

Oh just fuck off and let me die of the virus, you vain and narcissistic foreign person.

Really enjoyed it.

Happy… Day

A xxxx