If we have dinner together, I will probably eat something off your plate. Just grab it. With my fingers. Or fork. Possibly with my toes. When you’ve finished I’ll eat what you’ve left. If we ‘share’ something, you better get in quick. If my fork is busy, I’ll use yours. If yours is busy too, I’ll use your knife. If we are eating crisps, or chips in communal ketchup, I will double dip!!

Double dipping is when you dip your crisp (or carrot baton, if you really must) into some, say, hummus, bite it, then put the half bitten crisp/carrot back into the hummus for more. Double dipping. Apparently there are 2000 times the amount of bacteria consumed when you double dip. Holy shit! How am I even still alive? Though it’s ok if its at my house because I’ve probably already sneezed in it before it made it onto the table, so the bacteria’s mine anyway.

If I drop food, I pick it up and eat it. Ok, maybe not from the pavement, like Lila does, but at home. Where Lila also does. I have the 3-second rule. Plus extra time.

When someone blows the candles out on a birthday cake, there are a whopping 12,000 times more bacteria on the icing. Perhaps they’re suggesting that you blow the candles out and throw the cake away. The metaphor ‘the icing on the cake’ should be replaced with ‘the bacteria on the icing’.

Bacteria is not all bad. Yoghurt is full of the stuff. And people have become convinced that by eating ‘live’ yoghurt they’ll live 100 years longer. They can have mine. But more importantly, you have to get your body ‘immune’ to bacteria. You need to eat germs. Early on and frequently. Babies put everything in their mouths. Food, germs, toys, chair-legs, bed-clothes, mud, sand, grass, whatever. And its important. So why the big fuss about sharing bacteria in food? It actually keeps us healthy. Improves our tolerance, reduces infections and allergies.

So reckons this pig.

And all because talking about football is just too painful. Ok, after conceding a goal after 5 minutes it looked like it could get altogether more humiliating, but Spurs held it together to survive the first half and looked positively impressive in parts of the second. But couldn’t score. Harry couldn’t score. One touch in the Man City box. Not enough. We looked better when Dele and Eriksen and Winks came on, but it was late by then. And if we’d played that kind of attacking formation early on we’d probably have conceded 7 by half time, without the midfield muscle.

But losing is horrible. Even if it was always somewhat inevitable.

Happy-ish Tuesday

A xxxx