So HS2 is going ahead. I would say ‘full steam’ but that’s so inappropriate, so 1874, so… downright wrong! Even though steam itself is clean and carbon-free, the coal used to produce that steam was a whole other kettle of pollution-ness. Those old choo-choo-puffers never spewed ‘steam’ out of their chimneys but DEATH!

Thus the new HS2 trains will be ‘lectric. And fast. Fast as fuck, in fact, as they whizz you to Birmingham in 45 minutes, Manchester in just over an hour. But wait! That’s just the start of things. From Manchester (which no-one wants to go to), you can link up to Crewe!!! How exciting is that? And Wigan! And all the way to Carlisle! The other link goes to Sheffield! And Darlington and all the way to Newcastle!!!

I can barely restrain my excitement and enthusiasm. At least 15 places that I never wish to see, all linked by a railroad I’ll probably never use, and all for 100 billion quid. Though by the time its completed, you know that’s going to be 200, or 500 (half a tril!!!) or more.

But then it’ll whizz people who do wish to do such traveling up there using so little carbon that they’ll almost have vegan status by the time they get to Harrogate. By Durham they’ll have turned into Greta Thunbergs. God help Durham.

Boris is big on ‘including the North’ into ‘England’ whereas before the last election, for most people, ‘England’ stretched only from Streatham to Pinner, Woodford to Richmond. And because, in a fit of Brexit-madness, the northern provinces all voted for him, this is the quid pro quo. Or, 100 billion quid pro quo.

What about the poor bastards cut off in Exeter? Norwich? Bristol? We’ll never (have to) see them again. Stuck with sloooooooooow trains and shitty roads, they’ll be cut off from all the ‘action’ in the rest of the land.

And that land will be different. According to the environmentalists our green and lush Island will become grey with concrete as HS2 quite literally steamrollers over all the villages and trees in its wake. Homes crushed, people moved, lives destroyed. The impact on wildlife alone has caused a new alliance between the rabbits, hedgehogs and worms, whose lives will never be the same again. Ironically the major cost, and major carbon problem, is because protecting the Chilterns means running a lot of the line through tunnels. Which are incredibly expensive. If they just flattened the hills it would be cheaper but apparently some people like them, so they’re staying.

Oddly, the Conservatives have spent a vast part of the last decade defending austerity and financial prudence. Yet Boris, so excitable, a bit like Lila, seems to be jumping (us) headfirst into massive projects at incredible expense. Spend, spend, spend. (Lila is 2-an-free-korters; Boris isn’t).

Happy digging

A xxxx