I’m lovin’ every minute of Brexit. I feel… free! From Europe. I feel… pleasantly isolated, on my little island with the borders closed FOREVER. I feel… wonderfully liberated from all those stupid, pesky Euro-laws which have made our lives miserable for decades. I feel… wonderful. God bless Boris Johnson and his team, and Nigel Farage especially, for finally delivering what we all wanted. And needed.

Needed?

Yes, needed. Because you see Britain is perfectly self-sufficient in everything. And we’re brilliant at banking and finance. Insurance. And, apparently, money-laundering but that goes hand-in-hand with the rest of it, I s’pose. But we make so much money from these core businesses that we don’t need anyone or anything else.

Ok, we need a bit of food, but that’s fine as long as its not Brie, Camembert or Champagne. We can make our own pizzas but pretty soon we won’t be allowed to call them ‘pizzas’ due to Euro-regulations. Hummus is fine because it comes from further afield.

It would be nice to manufacture something really, but its not that important to us as a nation, especially if you live within the M25 where absolutely nothing is made, except money. So we can fund the rest of the country who are all out-of-work due to factory closures. When all the car manufacturers pulled the plug here and took their plants over to Europe where its easy to get the parts in without any fuss. Because since Brexit we’ve become the world leaders in ‘fuss’. Everything arriving from Europe needs certification, duty, vat, forms, palaver and endless bollocks. Those bastards, just because we chose to voluntarily leave the biggest free trading block in the world. We showed ‘em!

Elon Musk went to France yesterday for the meeting of the world’s 2 most obnoxious people. And he agreed with Macron to a massive new plant, in France, obviously, to make batteries for Teslas. The ones he makes at this brand new factory in Berlin.

Musk is not coming to Britain on his little Euro-tour because he’s on a private jet, obviously, and the irony of the man leading the ‘green motoring revolution’ spewing another 14 tons of carbon into the atmosphere is a bit rum. Especially as he has no need to come here. No business to conduct. Too difficult to deal with Britain.

Well at least we’ve stopped all those bloody migrants. Oh, we haven’t. Cruella is sorting that out now. We’ve stopped the European ones at least, removed their free access to our nations riches. So if you’re free for the next three months, there’s 47,329 vacancies for harvesting on farms otherwise another year’s crop will just rot.

We got Brexit DONE! And we’re all the better for it.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx