So this is what happens when you go for a ‘bone graft’ at the dentists. You end up looking like a cross between a chipmunk and The Elephant Man. And its weird. To look in a mirror and see a completely different face from the stunning beauty you’re so familiar with (deluding yourself into). My pillow yesterday morning did indeed look like it been taken straight from the set of Reservoir Dogs and this morning my left eye has developed a nice little bruise on it too. The worst thing of all? I’m grounded. No tennis, even though its a beautiful morning, no tai chi, no punching anyone at all, unless they won’t punch back.

However, a little bit of dentistry can’t keep a fit, able, youthful (in yer fuckin’ dreams) 63 year old from his new, major hobby: visiting doctors.

A month or so back I went to see a ‘hip dude’ (that’s his profession, not his demeanour) because an old tennis injury had returned. He took an x-ray. And told me the hip was ok but FUCK ME! LOOK AT YOUR SPINE!!!! I may have changed the exact wordage for artistic purposes. You need to see a back specialist, neurosurgeon, spinal… tapper, type geezer, ASAPeeeee!!!!

And that was this morning’s excursion up to Bushey. Even my SatNav said ‘what, AGAIN???’ when I plugged in the hospital.

My lower spine is curved. Should be straight. Why they call it ‘spine’ not ‘spiral’, do keep up. And compressed. Everyone’s spines compress but mine more so, because I’m special.

Curved spine, deformed face, I’m turning into John Merrick.

And yet, and yet, and yet. The doc was great. Said he wanted to do… absolutely nothing. Its fine. The way you are. Hereditary (bloody father!!!, sorry, daughters) but requires no attention. I can play tennis, I can live like a normal, non-elepahantine person with a swollen face. He didn’t even recommend a cortisone injection. They always recommend that, especially if they need to fill up the McLaren or get a school fees bill. But no. Nothing.

We have Brexited. Its official. 11 o’clock last night, the bells rang, the other things did other things and the world changed totally. In that its much more stupid today than it was yesterday. Along with most (well, 52%) of the people in it. And yet… I feel free! I feel… less European! I feel… more about tomorrow’s game against Manchester City than I do about our newly sanctioned status.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx