I had an ‘I love London’ moment yesterday morning. I had to pop up to a mate up on Ludgate Hill. As I strolled up Fleet Street I did kind’a wonder why the eastbound traffic wasn’t moving at all. Though really? It ain’t that rare an event. As I got to Ludgate Circus I realised why. They’d blocked the road. Ludgate Hill. All the way (about 200 yards) to St Pauls. And then beyond in the other direction. The Queen was coming. So they diverted the traffic. In fact, they killed the traffic stone dead. You wanna go east? Tough shit. Go north towards Kings Cross or south over Blackfriars Bridge into Sarf London. East ain’ gonna happen. Sorry mate. Fortunately, you’re gonna be there for about 4 hours to decide on the best alternative route, so take yer time.

All for the Queen. Not sure exactly why it was yesterday but heh, its as good a day as any. So hold a big service at St Pauls, wheel in a few coaches full of flag-waving schoolkids and start the party.

I love London.

Not sure about Marseilles though. They deploy tear-gas against ‘innocent’ English fans out there. Are there any innocent English fans? I Was just having a drink (my 19th in fact, since 7 this morning) and just because me and my mates shouted some serious Islamophobic abuse at a group of local lads, who we told to go back to ISIS, they bloody attacked us! And the police came and spoiled all the fun. So we did the only thing good, sober(ish), innocent English people could do; we hurled bottles at them. And got tear-gassed. I’m gonna write to tripadvisor about this.

In the actual football. It started last night. The host nation played Dracula’s own team; Romania. And all eyes were understandably upon France’s two aspiring superstars. Antoine Griezemann and Paul Pogba, the man destined this summer to become the world’s most expensive player. So no pressure on those two then. And unsurprisingly, they disappointed tragically.

I missed the entire game. But did see the goals on the news and caught a bit of the radio cover in the car. And by all accounts, the wonderful Dimitri Payet saved the host nation from a dire overall performance by doing for his nation exactly what he’s been doing for his club all season: Taking a shit team and scoring wonderful goals they don’t deserve.

Come on England!!! And I just mean the fans.

Happy Match Day

A xxxx