Do you ever wish you were something else? A footballer? An onion? An aardvark? Or perhaps, a rat.

Rats get all the best drugs, long before humans do. Its always the same. Nothing short of discrimination. Just today I read in the paper that there are new drugs that will tackle disease and old-age frailty. They’ll take the cells which no longer function and clear them out and fire up the old ones to work better, reducing all manner of horribles that affect virtually every old person. And these drugs are ‘just a generation away’. WHICH IS TOO FUCKING LATE! I NEED ‘EM NOW!!!! Whereas old rats are getting them now. They use the phrase ‘in tests’ but we really know what they mean. The rats get the best stuff and if there’s anything left over it might trickle down to the humans. I wonder if the drugs will prevent paranoia and FOMO?

Yet its all for nothing if the entire world dies in nuclear armageddon. You wouldn’t want to be old (or probably young either) in a post-apocalyptic Stephen-King-ian world, the likes of which we’ve been seeing in movies since the Cold War. The Mad Maxes, Terminators, all these desperately cold versions of a world that’s fucked itself to death. Leaving just 93 humans on the whole planet. Though of those, 3 will be Indiana Jones type superheroes and 4 will be really stunning babes in shredded jeans.

And the absolute tragedy is that the fate of the world right now depends on the two most unstable, cartoon-character-like, paranoid nutters on the planet. Because despite the ‘fire and brimstone’ rhetoric spouting from Trump, he simply cannot ‘fire first’. Unless its non-nuclear and it wipes out every weapon North Korea possesses. And probably those of China too. Good luck with that. Attack by America is what Kim fears and is why he’s building his nuclear arsenal in the first place. And doing so at such massive cost that most of his country starves whilst his weaponry increases. Which is why North Korea’s only real ally, China, won’t impose trade sanctions because every North Korean will suffer. But the little fat nutter (Kim, not Trump, he’s the big fat nutter) is planning more and more ‘tests’ this week and next week, seemingly oblivious to the upset, the anger, the angst and the furore, even in the normally worthless United Nations. Where yesterday China said that the UN must strive for diplomatic solutions, not war or sanctions. Which is fucking ripe coming from the only nation capable of even attempting such a measure. “YOU DO IT!!!!” I shouted at the tv screen.

As Oscar Wilde said: the only thing worse than getting old is not getting old. And he didn’t even know Kim Jong-Un.

Happy Tuesday (happy?)

A xxxx