Britain is broken! It’s not working. Needs a fix. Several fixes. Thus spake Kier Starmer (zzzzzz) and several of his cohorts, politicising every disaster confronting the country. Which is his job. And would appear to be the job to which he’s best suited, as he wasn’t much of a lawyer and his time as ‘shadow Brexit minister’ had him utter virtually nothing as he stood at Corbyn’s shoulder with ‘that rictus grin’. So ‘moaner-in-chief’ is his perfect role in life. Would that make him a good prime minister (heaven forbiddddd!!!!) I don’t know. But he may have a minor point. We need to count the gates.

We have NHS-gate. The ongoing, never-ending disaster which is our ‘wonderful, world-leading, free-at-the-point-of-service’ catastrophe of waiting lists, striking doctors, cancelled appointments and loads of healthy old people clogging up beds because of…

Care-system-gate. The problem is, we don’t have much of a care system for the old. Well, we’ve never had old people before, have we. Have we?? Ahhh, but with an aging population held together by sticking tape supplied by the over-burdened NHS, ‘we’ are getting older. But have no places to dump the aged because, like the NHS, there’s an expectation that ‘the state should provide’.

School-gate. Not the one where you go in, the other one, the current crisis. Well, not much of a crisis really, just a little problem where kids going to any school built between 1950 and 1979 (and that was the post-war ‘boom’, after the war ‘boom’, blew them all up) needs to go in with a hard hat and protective vest because his schoolroom ceiling is coming down any minute now. They built them with a ‘cheap alternative’ to concrete, called ‘RAAC’. Which is an acronym of ‘Really Shitty Useless Cheap Nasty Crumbly Rubbish’. Ok, I need to work on my acronyms. But it’s shit and has a low life-expectancy, which ends… about NOW!!!

Strike-gate. Trains, teachers, doctors, opticians. We’re all on strike. Not sure why but WE FUCKING ARE!!!! POWER TO THE WORKERS!!!!

And you can’t list disasters without ‘boat-people-gate’. Wouldn’t be fair. They come over, get dumped in a barge in the Solent, which proves to have various diseases integrated into the water system, get put in hotels, wait 6 months before we can put them back on the boats going the other way, and all at a cost of 569,332,298 quid every month. Possibly every week. It’s so much and so stupid I’ve lost count.

Now we have ‘Birmingham-gate’, where the council of Europe’s largest municipal region is officially ‘bankrupt’. No-one really cares, but its a welcome addition to the ‘Britain’s broken’ debate.

So fuck off, Starmer, there is NOTHING wrong with Britain. It’s functioning perfectly. Like a well-oiled… like a well-oiled RAAC ceiling.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx