I’m going to Africa. Sub-Saharan. Because it seems to be the only place in the world safe from Coronavirus. I appreciate I might get kidnapped by pirates, slaughtered in a military coup or eaten by a tiger, possibly even a tider if Lila comes with me, and even though there aren’t any in Africa, but at least its ‘safe’. From Corona! The map of the world is being painted red as it spreads. Italy has become plague-central, from where most of Europe has now become endangered. There’s doubts about the rugby tomorrow in Ireland because it involves Italians. And they’re bad news. I cancelled a pizza last night for fear of the virus. Schools are closing, particularly when they’ve had ski trips to Italy and the skiers have returned. Shares are plummeting in the wake of the effects of the virus on travel, productivity in China (the world’s factory) and a grim looking short-term future. So my pension pot will doubtless have halved once more, as it always does at such times. Meaning I’ll be working until I’m 173 to be worth a loaf of bread every fortnight.

But more importantly, what’ll happen about football? Do you want to be in the midst (and, although its gross to consider), in the ‘mist’ and ‘spray’ of 50,000 potential carriers as their spittle-filled shouting gets under way? What about the tube? Concerts? All ‘gatherings’. I think we need to ban them now, particularly if Arsenal are involved. On health grounds.

Everyone with a holiday coming up is ‘concerned’. Because we all need to spend 2 weeks locked in a hotel room in Benidorm to then be sent home and spend another two weeks in the Wirral. Anywhere but the Wirral!

I’m pretty sure Joey hasn’t got it, which is why I was eating him yesterday. I only hope, for his sake, and Lila’s, that I haven’t. Because I have realised that I am just an ‘in-yer-face’ kind of guy. Certainly and in-yer-face grandad. If the kids are on the floor, then that’s where you’ll find me. Never separated by more than 3 inches. I like proximity. Always have. It’s just that now I’ve found some people too small to run away like everyone else does. Mel’s only around because I have a taser.

Like most people, its not fear of getting Coronavirus that is the perceived problem. It’s the quarantine.

God Help Us Friday

A xxxx