I’m not a bad person. I don’t rob old ladies, mainly because I don’t want to get hit with a swinging handbag, I can be kind and considerate, loving even, and try to always do the right thing. Honest. I do. Its my nature.

But I have a ‘red line’. In fact its not so much a red line as a red shirt. An Arsenal shirt. For there, at that specific point, my niceness ends. Its not even a conscious thing; it just is. Its hard-wired, almost since birth (can you blame ‘genetics’ for such a thing?), an inherent nastiness towards the Gunners and everything they do. Almost spite. Ok, its probably based in part on jealousy of their various successes, its a ‘chip-on-the-shoulder’ thing, but its also revenge on the smugness of the average Arsenal fan. Because hard-wired into ‘them’ is an arrogance that transcends all other football fans.

So if you search the word ‘schadenfreude’ on the Spurs website, the result comes up as ‘Arsenal’. Its simple.

Thus when Manchester United go on a winning run in Europe, or Liverpool beat Barcelona, I can enjoy it. From a ‘British’ perspective. ‘Us’ against ‘them’. Especially post-Brexit. Temporary brothers under a flag. They may normally be a bunch of obnoxious northerners, but today they represent England so they are momentarily ‘my team’. I never feel that way about Arsenal. Even when they go to Serbia and play some racist, white-supremacist, monkey-chanting pogrom-descendents, I’ll join the KKK for the night. For one night only.

Don’t hate me. Its not considered or subject to debate. Its just a feeling.

Last night as Tory Boy was leaving after dinner, he told me that it was 1-all in Munich. Arsenal had just scored that ‘vital away goal’. Bummer. He’s a Spurs-Tory boy and thus feels as I do. That’s why we allowed him to marry number 1 daughter. It was in the terms and conditions.

‘Never mind’, I said, ‘the 1 away goal won’t matter if it ends 5-1’. I honestly did. Bad, evil person that I am.

An hour later, during a particularly taxing defence of a 2-clubs contract (zzzz) at the bridge table, I received a message from him. 5-1, final score.

If only I could have such influence on Spurs results.

Don’t hate me.

Happy Thursday. For some.

A xxxx