Not Russell, for him there is no defence. He is the ‘Everton’ of humanity. The scumbag’s scumbag, whether allegation prove true or not. But I write, with hand on my heart, in defence of men. All men. Because it would appear, we need defending, explaining, forgiving and a host of other things, just because we’re men. And although we’re not all rapists, despite comments to the contrary, you just have to pick up the newspaper (sorry; or swipe up the Mail Online; though really ANY other paper would be better, if not cheaper) to see pages and pages of the growing ‘case’ against Brand. Then how the police are putting 1,000 officers on some form of suspension or ‘suspension light’, limiting their contact with anyone younger than 45 wearing a skirt. Then some actor/director/studio boss has been getting a bit casting couchy with people, and for God’s sake be careful around surgeons, they’ll be inside your underwear before you can say ‘oooooh, Matron!!!!’

But other than all that lot and virtually every other environment where men and women are in any kind of proximity to each other, you’re safe.

So it would appear that if not all, then a high proportion of men are, if not precisely ‘rapists’, then at least something rather unsavoury and unwanted in the sexual assault/harassment/abuse department.

I blame evolution. Which, in a non-directional way, produced ‘woman’ to be alluring to men, so they would attract more mates and be reproductively ‘fitter’ than some rotten old minger with halitosis. And it also selectively produced men to want to reproduce, because that is what evolution is all and only about. Ok, Darwin wrote nothing about casting couches, cars parked on lanes off the Esher bypass, nor the broom cupboard at Nobu. But we (as a species) NEED to reproduce and thus we NEED attraction to the… errr… contradictory… gender… or, obviously, possibly the same gender, but… errrr…

In short, our ‘animal’ side (and that force is BIG, Luke) wants us to be promiscuous, to go out and make loads’a babies. To propagate our genes into the future. The more the merrier.

But then, about 3,000 years ago, such a short time that on an evolutionary line it would barely register a single dot at the end, some bastard came along and introduced things like ‘society’ and ‘acceptable behaviour’ and even ‘marriage’!!! Which kind’a changed things. Essentially, the ‘animal’, man, became ‘civilised’. Except Russell Brand, obviously, Harvey Weinstein, Jimmy Savile, Kevin Spacey… half the police force, all the surgeons, most partners in law firms, accountancy firms, banks and… men. We are innately, biologically, genetically attracted to women. And vice versa (in theory). It takes actual effort not to jump on people to ‘mate’, like real animals do. Obviously more of an effort than Russell is prepared to make. Because he is fucking animal. No insult intended to animals.

However, 3000 years is a long time for mankind. Long enough to ‘socially engineer’ (because it ain’t real ‘evolution’) an understanding of etiquettes and propriety, even with the major setback which was the Romans.

I’m not defending the indefensible, I’m here to bury him. But just as an alternative ‘context’, its not always easy being a man. And a lot, lot harder being a woman.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx