It’s amazing. The wonders of modern travel. You can leave home in London and arrive at a super, seaside resort on the coast in Cancun, just 19 hours later. Ok, I won’t moan, its unbecoming for someone so lucky to have this ultimate of ‘1st world problems’, but 19 hours!!! So that’s a 10 hour flight and nine hours of total bollocks, bullshit, time-wasting, waiting and, in my case, total impatience. I mean, I’d have paid more for convenience. How much would it have cost to have a private jet pick us up from our local park, drop us effortlessly at a helicopter pad in Cancun which would have us to our hotel in 14 minutes. That would have cut about 8.5 hours from the trip, meant we could have eaten a lot more, drunk loads more margaritas and been so relaxing that the additional £138,792.44 would have seemed worth it.

Hindsight.

Never mind, we’re here!!! In Playa del Majures and its… pissing down. Grey skies, like we get at home, pouring rain, like we get at home and room service, like I get at home. But…

It’s warm. Wonderfully, barmily, tropically warm. Because (as far as I’m concerned) we’re in the jungle. I share the 5 year-old’s view of geography. If its lush, dense, tall and green and stretches for more than 22 yards; its a jungle. Unfortunately that means snakes but haven’t seen any yet. THANK GOOOOOOOODDDD. Because I share Indiana Jones’ view of snakes.

Decided that, although we’re ‘all inclusive’, I’d miss out on the tequila for breakfast. Just for today. As we did a ‘stretch class’ straight after and I thought being sober might make it easier and better. I was wrong. The guy who took it was your normal smiling, charming Mexican happy person, or appeared to be until he started with the ‘now take your left leg, wrap it round your neck three times and pull both arms in opposite directions whilst bending 90 degrees from the waist’. Little fucker. Just another sadistic bastard but this time with a Hispanic accent.

So I’m fed, watered, latte-ed up to the eyeballs and its still raining. But I don’t care. I’m care-free, don’t ‘ave ta do nuffink and this place is fantastic.

Very happy holidays

A xxxx