Came home last night and, whilst trying to digest the biggest ice-cream ever consumed (and the best, if you’re at all interested) we turned on the tv. And because we’re in God’s own country, instead of the ‘Meet the Parents’ or ‘Grease 2’ or ‘Die Hard AGAIAIAIAN’, we were blessed with Django Unchained. Ok, lot of blood-letting, which doesn’t aid the digestion, but the wonderful Tarantino wit, the outstanding performances (I’d forgotten how revoltingly brilliant Di Caprio was), all make up for seventeen thousand litres of red paint in 12 minutes. And of course, best of all, they’re all shouting out ‘Nigger!!!!’ all the time. Which wasn’t censored, wasn’t cut, wasn’t anything, it just was. How can that be??? A travesty!!! A disgrace!!! Appalling!!!! Like going to Tottenham and hearing that excessive use of the ‘yid’ word!!!! Like social anthropological rape!!!

But its not. Its ‘istory, innit. And thus, in true historical realism, they said what was said then and it all sounds normal, though a bit louder than we speak today, and no-one complained because its like real life used to be. Hmmmm. A black ex-slave, wearing sunglasses that wouldn’t be invented for 65 years, riding round insulting white slavers. Yup, realistic.

So Jeremy Clarkson, the petrolhead’s motormouth, the guru of neanderthalism, the man worshipped by anyone who drives a V8 car and has a conscience, our Jeremy got in biiiiiiiiiiig trouble filming Top Gear. He decided to say a nursery rhyme to select between two options. “Eeeny, meeny, miny, mo” he started. No problem there, you can say all those words to Her Majesty the Queen. Though oddly enough, if you call Prince Phillip a queen, he’ll punch you on the nose. Then the next line, uttered, on camera, by Jeremy: “catch a ni- by the toe”.

OH!

MY!!

GAAAWWWWD!!!!!!

Did Jeremy Clarkson just utter the most unutterable of unutterables???? Did he really??? Rewind and confirm. Yes he DID!!!

So 25,000 phoned, wrote, emailed and tweeted to complain about this atrocity and demand Clarkson not just be sacked by the BBC but taken out and publicly flogged, like a… like someone in Twelve Years a Motoring Correspondent.

Such an overreaction. As always. Political correctness is just a bunch of tossers trying so hard not to offend people they really hate that they inflict their misery on everyone else. Ironically, or perhaps, justly, the only group of people you are officially allowed to really insult without fear of reprimand or punishment, is middle-class, white, hypersensitive, twin-setted, purple-rinsed, Home Counties church-going old mingers with too much time on their scrubbed and creamed-up fucking hands.

Happy Sunday, I’m off to watch Blazing Saddles.

A xxxx