I try to be politically correct. I really do. But, despite all my efforts, its just so confusing, such a minefield, so complicated. Knowing who can be insulted and who can’t, what you can say about minorities, races, nations and even genders. Its all so full of mixed messages, and we need clarification. And by ‘we’, I obviously mean me.

I mean, Beyonce goes out there and twerks for all she’s worth, shaking that most magical of booties around the stage, and she’s ‘reclaiming her own body for the sisterhood’. Skinny waif Mylie Cyrus does similarly and she’s ‘being in charge of her own sexuality’, she’s taking feminism forward. Albeit in a very skinny, shapeless kind of way. I do like my feminists to be a bit more shapely really. But that’s just my politics.

So when Lithuanian Lil shakes her rather pert and slightly surgically enhanced butt around at Spearmint Rhino, she’s objectifying herself. She’s the horns of the devil. Or creating horny devils, whatever. She’s the ass-end of the misogynist machine, perpetuating female subjugation in a male-dominated, paternalistic world. The bitch. They why do so many men see fit to stuff 20-pound notes into her underwear? Ok, ‘underwear’ may be overstating a piece of pink string, but still. Why do they? Perhaps they think that, like the Ms’s Knowles and Cyrus, that Lil is furthering the feminist cause and these men, the pot-bellied, tie-loosened, half-drunk bond traders and corporate lawyers and Goldman Sacksers, they’re all devotees to feminism and the sisterhood and they’re supporting that worthy cause. Perhaps.

But when a woman finally breaks that ‘glass ceiling’ (which I think was only put there so you could look up skirts), she must NOT be acclaimed as the ‘first woman who ever…’ No. That’s implying that women are different from men. Oh, okay, not sure how that bit fits in. Or if its even allowed to fit in any longer. The assumption must be that she just happened to be the best person for that job and who happens to be a woman. Like an afterthought. She was going to be a man, but opted for femininity instead. Could’a gone either way.

Yet whilst on the beach in Israel, I conducted an extensive, longitudinal, factor analysis study of men and women. And I can confirm, not just with certainty but with a great deal of pleasure and relief; that women are indeed different to men. Wonderfully, curvily (other than those pretty curvy pot bellies at Spearmint Rhino), softly, bouncily, delightfully, tannedly, lithely, leggily, different.

And if that makes me an unevolved knuckle dragger then pass the fucking bananas right this way.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx