Today is the day we’ve been waiting for since… ages ago. It is the start of the Women’s Super League!!! Deprived of women’s football since… whenever it was, oh yeah, losing the World Cup Final, it’s coming back TODAY! That makes last week’s Spurs match at Arsenal totally irrelevant in my life, this afternoon’s visit by Liverpool, completely unimportant. Ukraine? Now reduced to peripheral consideration only. HS2? Put into the shadows by the return of the soccer gels. Even that total fuckwit of a (now resigned) Speaker of Canada’s Parliament giving a speech praising an old Ukrainian, not realising that the guy had joined the Nazis in the war, even that monumental act of stupidity is of so much less consequence now the pony tails are returning. I can’t wait to see… you know, that one with the long legs, pony tail, plays for… Arsenal? Possibly Manchester United, she’s fab. And… the goalie who didn’t get named shirts for sale… fantastic, and as for my favourite, Leah Something or other, the blond lesbian captain of Arsenal, she’ll be recovered from her surgery and back soon. (Its a credit to Arsenal that they’ve always been sympathetic and inclusive of gays and have always included them in their teams). All starting now! Or later. Possibly tomorrow. Don’t miss it!

Rishi Sunak has been inspired by Mad Max and is declaring all roads in England free of any speed limits. They’re going to be drag-racing (very inclusive) down Oxford Street, screaming past schools at drop-off time at 80mph and possibly, vehicles no longer having to stop at red lights. Like bikes!

Ok, that may be a slight exaggeration. What he actually said was ‘this new 20mph speed limit is wrong’. Thus immediately alienating him, his political party and his election hopes from the Green lobby, the road safety lobby and the lobby of ‘people who like driving so fucking slowly its like walking through water’. And all because he won a by-election that he should never have won because it had become effectively, a referendum about ULEZ. Thus his party think that the driving population must be greater than all the greens and all the others who are actually worried about people being hit by speeding cars and anyone else who paid too much attention at their ‘speed awareness course’ whilst the rest of us were doodling or sleeping. That’s why he’s given a reprieve to petrol and diesel cars for an extra 5 years. And now this!!! He won’t be invited to Greta Thunberg’s next teddy-bears’ tea party, will he? Instead he’ll be going to the Ace Cafe in Neasden to smooth talk all the Harley riders and petrol heads in their Custom Cars.

And I want to include HS2 in the latest series of ‘Rishi’s U-turns’ but I’ve run out of time and, quite frankly, I can’t be bothered. Maybe tomorrow…

Happy Saturday

A xxxx