So I got to the tube station, on my bike, as usual, and as I was securing it with seven chains, four ‘d-locks’, electrifying the saddle, razor wire round the handlebars and putting the armed guard in place, I heard a train come in. My train. I ran down the corridor, flew up the stairs and ran down two more carriages as the ‘beeping’ started because the ones by the stairs are always the busiest. And jumped on. Panting a bit. Sweating a bit, but happy. That ‘sliding doors’ moment. If you think how fucking miserable you feel to get to the platform just as your train doors are closing (even though the next train arrives in 2 minutes), then the opposite was how happy I felt. It’s a tube traveler thing. #wining

The train was busier than usual so I edged down a bit and took out my kindle. At which point a smart young man jumped out of his seat and asked if I’d like to sit down.

And that, for any person of certain vintage, deluding him/herself into ‘being as young as you feel’ (despite the scans and hospital visits) is nothing short of a ‘me too!’ moment. It is an abuse. An insult. It is age rape!!! I was offered a seat purely because some public school shit, overly endowed with good manners and politeness was ‘respecting his elders’ by shattering their illusions/delusions. Little muthafucka! Daring to presume that I am old enough to warrant his Pavlovian response, beaten into him by his fag-master at Eton, and jump up to offer this ‘old person’ his seat.

How is that ‘respecting ones elders’? When all it does is insult them, depress them and make them feel frail and ancient. That one look, more a half glance, at this beautiful YOUNG and exceptionally cool man, ok a bit grey… very grey, panting like in heart failure, possibly dribbling a bit down my jacket, one fucking look and he forever labels me as ‘old’!!!

I drew back my fist… and then, and then, and then thought: ‘hmmmm; a seat on a crowded tube train, hmmmmmmm…’ and thanked him politely and sat down. Limping a bit as I did so. Making heavy breathing noises. Talking to myself. Quietly. Yet quite animatedly.

It was the best of times, it was the worse of times.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx