I’m moving to Miami. Did I tell you? Oh, must have slipped my mind. I haven’t told Mel yet either. But they’re building a block of flats there… ok, Bentley, the car people, are building a block of flats there. And for just $5.8million, you get a ‘drive-in flat’. All the flats, on all 62 floors (62 floors FFS!!!) have a parking space inside the flat. So you drive into a lift on the ground floor, push your button, or have a lift-man do it for you, probably, and the door opens by your car port IN your flat. In tests, only 14 people have so far died of carbon monoxide poisoning. None of those were drivers of electric cars. And the thought of having my car with me whilst I’m having dinner, of sleeping with my car, is so wonderful, I’m going to move there. Mel will love it as the 3 of us watch tv together.

Of course, you have to think of the lift. Like… like what if it breaks down. And your car’s in the bathroom and you need to drive to… California, quickly! You’d have to drive it off the balcony (DON’T try this at home) and do one of those movie landings onto the road. 47 floors below. It worked in the Blues Brothers.

The ‘romance’ of the FA Cup was illustrated so beautifully, so ‘romantically’, so ridiculously yesterday (NB: if you’re a Liverpool fan, hit ‘Alt 7’ to replace those words with ‘horribly’, ‘painfully’ and ’embarrassingly’) as Plymouth Argyle beat the Scousers in the 4th round. Plymouth Argyle are currently lying bottom of the Championship. Floundering. Hopeless. And along strut mighty Liverpool, the almost unbeatable (if 1-nil in the Carabao Cup counts?), the team who have over-powered all others who stood before them, who brushed aside AC Milan and Real Madrid, who are ‘simply unbeatable!!! Except, apparently, by shit, West Country, relegation-fodder no-hopers.

There were other matches played yesterday. Allegedly.

Happy Monday

A xxxx