My birthday today. Another fucking birthday. Jesus, seems like only a
year since my last one. I mean; getting to 60 was an achievement of
courage and endeavour pretty much unmatched by anyone else ever. But
61? Sixty-one?? How does that happen? One minute I’m a young turk
(well I thought so) and the next I’m over every hill that there is.
And rolling steadily towards…

Ok, enough maudlin sentimentality, enough birthday-bollocks, its just
another day. I only mentioned it to make you feel guilty. For the
distinct lack of presents and cards flooding through our doorway, for
the extra postal van required, blocking the road as the sacks are
unloaded.

But if you can’t have presents then the next best thing is
freeloaders. So tonight we have hundreds coming for dinner. Well,
quite a few. Because the Aussies are coming. Flying all that way just
for my 61st. Then going home again cos they’re not fucking staying in
my house. Not after last time. And although I call them ‘the Aussies’
they’re really not. Ok, they’ve lived there for 25 years but does that
make you an Aus? Does it entitle you to become loud, brash and
obnoxious? To support their rugby and cricket teams? To throw prawns
on barbies?? (Kashrut notwithstanding).

Yesterday in fact was my wedding anniversary. OMG, that’s
amaaaazin’!!! Yes, amazing indeed. 31 years I’ve been putting on some
vague act of ‘being an adult’ which, if I’m honest, is as failed as it
is transparent. My kids saw through the act when they were about 3 and
even Lila’s having difficulties with it too. And my poor,
long-suffering wife, bless her saintly everything, has indeed been
blessed by being joined in holy matri-whatsit to an icon, to the most
perfect specimen of maleness, hunkiness and gorgeous virility,
actually does have some (very minor) failings. Particularly where
dirty washing is concerned. Mainly that Mel sees it something to
attend to immediately, I see it as a lovely adornment to each and
every room in the house, but for the full aesthetic, needs to be
dropped randomly.

I am a lucky man. But SHE’S MUCH LUCKIER.

Happy Birthday

A xxxx