At this time of the tournament (errr, that’ll be the rugby world cup then) it is customary for us pundits and analysts and those of us who understand the game fully in all its political, socio-economic and global contexts, to say whose gonna win, whose been the best teams/players so far, the chances of progressing past next weekend’s quarter finals. Just eight teams left, not one of them English, but four from Europe and four from the Southern Hemisphere. A place that barely exists in any other context than rugby. We don’t divide the world normally into convenient halves. Or inconvenient halves really as those Southerners punch well above their weight. We shall (try to) suspend normal partisan views and national stereotyping for the purposes of this impartial assessment. Right.

Argentina. A great footballing nation, but rugby? They’re ‘avin’ the proverbial larf. Their nation’s only qualification for playing the game is their desire to handle any ball in any game. Rugby was invented in South America when Maradona was playing football and decided that handling the ball could at times be beneficial. Chances for progress to semis? Less than zero. Although they are playing against…

Ireland. Or, what’s left of the Irish after Sunday’s blood-bath against the French. Jonny Sexton, gone, Paul O’Connell, gone. That leaves a big gap. Though they were amazing against the French and should get past Argentina, even though they only have 7 fit players left and 3 more who’ll play on crutches.

Scotland. Its very unusual to see the Scots in the latter stages of any competition, sporting or otherwise. But they’re through. Unfortunately for them they have to play Australia. And much as it would doubtless please Andy Murray and Nicola Sturgeon greatly to see a victory, ain’ gonna happen.

Australia are too strong. Too good. They even beat England. And although they’re probably good enough to win the tournament, you really have to hope that they don’t. They lack the decorum and constraint to win nicely. The second favourites to win. Or the favourites to be runners up. Either way.

France. They buckled under the Irish on the weekend, didn’t look good at all. But they are French, so you can’t just write them off as a bunch of mistress-shagging, garlic-eating surrender-monkeys. Not at rugby. Mistresses aren’t allowed on the pitch. We hope they lose. We always hope they lose. Plus ca change.

South Africa had the worst start imaginable to their World Cup. They lost to Japan in their first match. Can you call Japan ‘underdogs’? Is that a culinary reference? Anyway, biggest upset of the tournament which engaged several nations of non-rugby types. Sadly it actually spurred the Springboks to greater places. So Bismark du Koetze and Droos du Broos and Schalk Falk, Less Is du Plessis and Coenie Oosthuizen get to advance to the semis, in all likelihood. And Bryan Habana.

Wales. They’re predominantly Welsh, unlike the other teams who are predominantly Kiwis and South Africans but rearrange nationality to suit any occasion. And Wales beat England. In case you missed that. They ganged up with Australia and… and… its all over. But the Welsh were banged up and missing players before it started and now they’ve lost more. Do they have sufficient quality left to beat the Boks? Very doubtful. Which is a shame.

And then there’s New Zealand. The All Blacks. People say they haven’t been tested, that they’ve looked clumsy, blah, blah, blah. But when they have to they’re like no other team on the planet.

Makes me proud to be a Kiwi.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx