This is the answer to my dreams! And of course, it took Apple to realise precisely what I didn’t need, what I’ve never needed, never wanted, and yet make me see the rest of my life in new and different terms, dependent on their design team. Because now, I’ll be liberated from walking down the street staring at my phone. I’ll get my left arm back. And, in time, my neck will straighten up properly after all those years of ‘head down’ gazing. I can walk upright in Oxford Street!! So no more bumps and bruises from walking into Lithuanian shoppers, Swedish half-termers, French study groups and Bosnian pick-pockets (no right minded English person EVER goes down Oxford Street) as I amble along with eyes on my phone and headphones on, hitting lampposts, traffic wardens and other tossers staring at their phones who aren’t looking where they’re going either. The headphones protect me from Electric Vehicles which make no noise, so they told me in the Bose shop.

Anyway: that’s all done with!!! I’m going VR, possibly permanently, and I don’t know when I’ll be back in ‘your world’, because frankly, my new one will be much better. Because these goggles may look to you’re totally fucking moronic if you’re not on a piste, but that’s because of your ignorance. They’re not just about playing stupid games, leaping around the lounge as if being attacked by a swarm of killer zombie bees, these goggles are YOUR LIFE!!! Emails come up, all selected by just looking at the correct, heads-up, icon. It tracks your eye movements. Ok, bit of a problem if you’re driving round Hyde Park Corner, but other drivers will understand that something superior is happening in your vehicle. You’re changing lanes because your daughter just sent you a picture of her brunch. You reply to emails with your voice. Keyboards are sooooo 2023, dahling. And its going to be the absolute next best thing.

This also solves the ‘AI problem’ because we’ll all become robots and you won’t be able to tell the difference, other than the humans will be wearing goggles which make them look like robots and the real robots won’t. They’re fully integrated. And we shall ‘interface’ with them. But with all heads upright!

The future’s bright, its… whatever you want it to look like, for 2 hours til the batteries run out.

A xxxx