I never knew Jesus. Not personally. Even though a few years ago by Lords Cricket Ground some… errr… person came up to me and said, with no pre-amble nor introduction: ‘JESUS DIED TO SAVE YOU!!!’. Then he walked away. The odd geezer, not Jesus. He wasn’t there. Not in body anyway.

But Jesus was just another errant Jew. Some take drugs, some run off to Thailand, some eat pulled pork burgers with kale and truffle fries, a few become bhuddists, Jesus just went off and turned the other cheek. And created a bit of a stir. A lasting legacy. He’s bigger than Donald Trump. Bigger than David Bowie. I know, hard to believe, but its true.

So although me and Jesus haven’t had a great deal to do with each other, I’m loving him right now. As I do every Easter when Monday arrives and instead of leaping out of bed stressing, I can merely roll over and wait for tea to arrive. I love him at Christmas too. More holidays. Shame He didn’t have the foresight (or foreskin, truth be told) to be born or crucified or reincarnated in about August time, then we’d have better weather for these bonus holidays. Can’t have it all. Jesus taught us that. Just before he saved me.

So when the world is an Islamic State, under sharia law, will they keep Easter? I think it would be decidedly anti-semitic to cancel it. What would they do with all the Easter Eggs?

Donald Trump has declared Britain ‘unsafe’ due to the recent terrorist atrocities in Paris and Belgium. He has warned fellow Americans to ‘avoid crowded places where you have no control who might be there’. So that keeps you to your sitting-room then.

But its a fair warning. Because its a dangerous world and Europe, sadly (whether we stay in or leave the Union, its still a matter of geography) is danger-central.

And I find a curious irony that the land of the free, ‘home of the brave’, can be somewhat less than courageous when it really hits the fan. We all remember, post 9/11, post 7/7, that American tourism dropped more than that of any other nation. I’m not suggesting that anyone should endanger themselves, ever. But what I do know is that if you change your lifestyle significantly then the terrorists win. That’s what they want. A world cowered by fear. No-one going to football matches, concerts, people avoiding the Tube and shopping centres, forsaking airports, not sitting in the sun outside cafes.

So, Mr Bigmouth, Mr Big, Brave, “I’ll PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!!!!”, Mr Meaningless Soundbyte Trump, I’m sure Jesus loves you. But I don’t. I think you’re a tosser. Who really understands nothing.

Happy Easter Monday

A xxxx