I love a bit of anti-semitism. If I wasn’t Jewish I’d definitely be an anti-Semite; its so much fun. Here’s what you do:

Just blame the Jews for everything. Even though there’s only 274 of us and we remain quiet most of the time. But blame them for any shit you can find, then when they defend themselves and accuse the anti-semites of being anti-Semitic, they can then turn it round and say: you’re making this about anti-semitism!!! when its really about: the Labour leadership, Israel’s defense force, the price of eggs, Arsenal’s inability to defend from set pieces.

So f’rinstance, Jeremy Corbyn ‘facilitates’ or ‘allows’ or ‘encourages’ or ‘enables’ masses of anti-Semitic comments, actions, slurs, abuse and violence, whilst all the time ‘being opposed to anti-semitism in all forms’. So now they’re accusing ‘the UK Jews’ (that’ll be me then, Mel, my 94 year-old dad and the chief Rabbi) of conspiring with the Blairites to bring Corbyn down! It always starts with a conspiracy theory. If we’re not ‘controlling the press’ or bringing down socialist tossers, we’re using the blood of Christian babies sacrificed for our consumption. That’s ‘the Jews’ for you. The same ones who will throw out an egg if there’s a blood spot in it because it renders the food ‘unkosher’. And unless you’re talking about eating Christians born with cloven hooves who chew the cud, their babies aren’t kosher either. But heh, let’s not get mired down in the pedantic or even the pragmatic here. Let’s keep it to tropes, stereotypes and ancient hatreds.

The only difference is that in ‘the old days’, the east European ‘shtetls’ (villages) and pogroms by the lovely locals, the Jews were bookish, pale, bespectacled and defined the word ‘nebach’. The holocaust, the subsequent state of Israel and the ‘never again’ paradigm since then was a game-changer. No more nebachs. Though we do allow a few and keep them in long black coats and massive hats for easy recognition. Now we breed ‘supermen’. Look at the Israeli army for this. Look at the fact that tiny little Israel, sitting for 60 years in the middle of billions of enemies, is simply still there. And feared. Because the Jews learned to bite back.

And this has continued right up to Rachel Riley, bless her. Because not only would she not be intimidated by the hateful abuse she receives, but she proved herself tougher, certainly more clever and more fearless that her detractors. And a great pair of legs too.

On Monday the Labour Party is once again examining its internal issues with anti-semitism. And already (great, almost essential word in this context), the disciplinary committee is distancing itself and its actions from ‘the leadership’ of the party. And have refused to comply with request for ‘transparency’ regarding the number of incidents and people it is currently investigating. (The working definition of ‘investigating’ is ‘sweeping under the carpet’, under the Rule of Chakrabarti.)

Happy Saturday

A xxxx