When I’m in the house on my own, I play Absolute Classic Rock on the radio. Not just because it’ll really annoy Mel when she gets home, normally during the guitar solo on some Black Sabbath track, though that certainly helps. But mainly because I love old music. The corollary of which is that I probably don’t like much newer music very much. Which is not true. Not strictly. I love Taylor Swift. Possibly as far from ‘absolute classic rock’ as you can get without taking the drugs away. When Mel comes in she tells Alexa off and gets her/him/it (not so much a ‘pronoun issue’ as an identity crisis) to play Ed Sheeran. The diametric opposite of absolute classic rock. Though I can take Ed, in very small doses. He’s a talented dude. But when you arrive back from tennis, which you played in the dry, and it starts raining on the way back, and you open the door to the Cars, Just what I needed, then you almost start to believe in divine forces, that possibly, the 72 billion deluded souls who actually believe in souls, may have a point.

And if anyone can tell me what the above charge document is for, please do so immediately. I sent a copy to Jeff Bezos this morning. Along with a letter. Threatening him with… well, how can you threaten the world’s richest and most influential man? With shame.

Me and Jeff are old pals. I’ve written to him before. And heard back. From Jhanna and Carrie and Michelle, but they’re all his people so its like I’m talking to Jeff, but with hair. And they tell me how they’ve made it safe and how ‘I’ll never be out of pocket with Amazon’ and how great they are at resolving issues. Yet this charge remains, uncredited. Even though no such charge appears on any list of orders, purchases or anything else on my account with both the .co.uk version or the .com. And I’ve spoken to so many customer services people, and abused them verbally, if I’m honest, out of sheer frustration, that I’m not going to call them again. Though my number is probably barred now. Americans are almost like normal people until it comes to swearing. Then they become the most prudish, proper, pedantic, puritanical plonkers. They just don’t fucking get it.

So I’ve changed my approach. From being the most annoying person they’ve ever dealt with, I’m not the most annoying and swearing person they’re ever going to meet. Fucking assholes.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx