How tragic it seems that on the very day the town of Mosul is finally freed from the dark and tortuous clutches of ISIS, another terrorist group announces its evil intentions to the world. Not that the ISIS story is in any way over, because the seed, the poison, the evil and murderous ideology is unfortunately live and kicking in so many disturbed minds.

But now the Cornish Republican Army has announced that it will escalate its activities (?) and even has a potential suicide bomber! (Mrs Rose Trevelyan, 83, of Penryn. I made that bit up, don’t go hassling her or arresting her.)

If you have never heard of the deadly Cornish Republican Army its because its new. Or newly named. Used to be the Cornish National Liberation Army. Quite frankly the changing of names of deeply silly organisations immediately puts those organisations into the category of comedy greats. On Monty Python’s Life of Brian they had 27 bands of Jesus-followers. In Citizen Smith they were always denouncing the ‘Tooting Republican Army’ because the ‘Republican Army of Tooting’ were so much better. And any use of the words ‘national’ or ‘liberation’ immediately makes it way more Benny Hill than Jeremy Corbyn.

Its not just that Cornwall wants to be independent of England (like we don’t have enough trouble with the Scots and Irish) but that Cornwall in fact was never incorporated into England at all and remains, since thirteen hundred and something-or-other, a Duchy. ‘Owned’ by the Duke of Cornwall. Who looks remarkably like the Prince of Wales. Our very own Charles.

And in days of old Cornwall was kept independent because it was rich, it had tin mines. But they’ve all closed and thus here we are in the ‘post-Poldark’ era to find ourselves with yet more seperationists. FREE US FROM INGLUND!!!! they shout. We is free and independent as we should be because we’re Celts, not Brits. And they set fire to buildings. Which is a bit nasty really. And celebrity chef restaurants. And Cornwall is simply awash with celebrity chefs.

Cornwall is unquestionable beautiful. And has, along with northern Scotland, the most fabulous beaches in Britain. Unlike the Scottish ones though, you can actually sit on the Cornish beaches in summer without suffering from hypothermia or wind-burn. And you get surf. Great surf. For those who appreciate such things after the Beach Boys. And there are a few. So people flock to Cornwall every summer. To surf, to beach, to whatever. And because these are generally posh people, they then buy homes there for future generations of SW7-ites to dodge a bit of inheritance tax. Ok, these ‘foreigners’ buy the best homes. The big ones, the seafront ones, the views. And they love a Michelin star. Hence the celebrity chef invasion.

These silly militant ‘urban warriors’ don’t seem to understand that since the last mine was shut (1867? 1922? long time ago for sure) Cornwall’s income is tourist-dependent. Ok, they sell ice cream but otherwise they NEED Rick Stein attracting Hooray Henrys to Padstow. They need Jamie Oliver there. Because then the people come and spend more.

So please join me and sign up to SAVE THE CORNISH SUICIDE BOMBER; TODAYYYYY!!!!

Happy Monday

A xxxx