Its a shitty day here in London. Dull and wet and wetter and then more wet. And for ‘wet’ read: ‘no tennis’. Which is awful. Someone should invent indoor tennis. Oh they have. And I don’t like that either. So what does that leave? It leaves football. That’s what it leaves. Lots of football. And most of that horrible too.
I mean, who wants Chelsea to win? Yet it doesn’t seem to stop them. Nothing seems to stop them, last ditch goals from Robin Van Persie notwithstanding. I don’t even want Newcastle to win, but it doesn’t seem to stop them doing it either. Because if all the teams who are playing really badly start playing well, then where will that leave Spurs? At the bottom of the pile, that’s where. From our ‘forth place finish’ aspirations of every season, I’m now thinking ‘forth from bottom’ then at least we won’t get relegated. And if that sounds pessemistic, then go watch Spurs and tell me different.
But football fans are fickle. In a ridiculously loyal-in-the-face-of-any-logic-to-the-contrary way. But we’re fickle in that we are always just one win from sublime happiness and confidence, one loss from the suicidal depths of depsair.
One more loss and Pardue loses his job, 3 wins and the man’s a veritable god. Now that’s gone to 4 in a row and they’re tearing down the statue of Alan Shearer and replacing it with one of Pardue headbutting someone.
West Ham even managed a last-gasp draw at mighty Stoke, to keep up their own top 4 challenge, which is due to end very soon. We hope. Because it doesn’t matter how many football matches you win, how pretty the game you play, to represent our nation in Europe requires a certain class. West Ham would be an embarrassment were they to play in Europe. It would be like Justin Bieber on University Challenge. Out of his depth.
So today its the last chance for Spurs. If we lose at Villa today I’m done with football. And if that’s too hard I’ll support Bournemouth instead. They’re a lovely team. Winning lots of matches, quarter finals of the Costco Cup, lovely red and black shirts, and right by the beach if the match gets too dull. Me mate Tai Chi Alex supports Bournemouth and he’s so happy he’s even managed to stay clean of almost all his drug dependence for nearly a week now. Just a little crystal meth, particularly around Hallowe’en when the world gets a bit scary for all of us.
And speaking of Hallowe’en costumes, Luis Suarez played for Barcelona last night. And they lost. Two in a row. And at home too. Incredible. There’s probably going to be a flood of Catalans all looking to find where the hell ‘Bournemouth’ is pretty soon.
Happy rainy sunday
A xxxx
Some English boy once said “it’s a funny old game” and another one said “it’s more important than life and death”. I cannot comment or I will be in trouble, but last week the referee was a biased boy playing for Manchester United, and is week our penalty this week was fully deserved. No fun in that. No, I cannot comment.
As for the Totenham Hotspurs I cannot understand why they just do not spend £150,000,000 like my lovely man-friend Van Gaal and be in exactly the same place as last year like his team. I cannot comment on him though, nothing to say about not not doing too well because I love him and when the Roman maniac I work for fires me again in two seasons time I will be number 1 for Manchester Utd.
I have one problem at Chelsea and this is the fans, they are too quite. I will buy some new ones and have the best fans, fans who shout when I raise my arm, fans who are quite when I lower. I cannot comment on other fans or I will be in trouble.
Love to you Andy the postman.