My old dad, may God rest his lovely soul, was a clever man. He managed to get rid of virtually all his assets long before he died. Gave it all to sick animals. And other relatives. The one beneficiary in your will you never need to actually write is ‘HMRC’. They’ll help themselves. There’s no point even contesting the will on the grounds that “no, he HATED HMRC, like really HATED THEM” because they don’t care. Being a tax collector is not a popularity contest. So my dad divested himself decades ago. Thus when he died, in his care home, his only assets were a few bank and savings accounts, collectively falling way beneath the Inheritance Tax threshold. Yippee. Job done. All ya need to do is ‘cash in’.

Ah, you need ‘probate’. The legal authority to gather the funds. Well, as the sole beneficiaries, executors and powers of attorneys, my brother and I should just stroll that one. Thus we contacted his (and our) solicitor. Well, he held the will so couldn’t really avoid it.

“Shall we do probate for you?”, he asked. Errrrr, ok, I agreed, having no clue how/what/where/when one might accomplish such a thing otherwise. So, as he lived next door to us when he was about 7 (now in his 50s), he had to send ‘Id checks’ and requests for passports, proof of human-ness (lot of aliens apply for probate), terms of engagement (“we do, you pay… and pay… and pay”) and the fee structure.

Basically, three-and-a-half grand. Oh, it must be very complicated, legalised and deeply involved with barristers and court hearings and people my dad met in Tescos coffee shop crawling out the woodwork making claims against ‘the estate’ (“he promised me free cappuccinos a week for LIFE!”) But no. It’s 3.5k, plus vat (obviously) plus any fees or ‘extras’. And this is not a ‘golden circle’ law firm. This is not defending the indefensible, this is a small, family firm. But heh, if that’s what it costs, that’s what it costs.

Then I bumped into a mate. Who told me that, recently faced with a similar thing, he ‘did it himself’. WHAT???? I exclaimed? You can do it yourself? A normal human being can do it and not a lawyer??? Apparently as long as you’ve watched more than 2 episodes of LA Law.

So I went online to the government probate department, filled in a form (15 minutes, max), waited for signatures, then sent off the will, as directed. All in all? 20 minutes of things so ridiculously straightforward even I could do it without breaking wind. Or whatever the expression is. And it cost: £279. Including 4 copies of the deed of probate, or grant of probate or, as I unconsciously, very Freudianly and quite appropriately termed it last night, the ‘greed of probate’.

Happy Friday and love to all lawyers

A xxxx