The problem with Lila days is that on occasion I have to go to work. Which is very disruptive for Lila because it is undoubtedly her favourite day of the week. When she gets chocolate. Lolipops. Frosties. Hot dogs. And I let her drive the car. Well, ya gotta learn sometime. (Her mum actually tests her blood for sugar and salt every Thursday night, just in case any of the above were true. Fortunately she doens’t test for recreational drugs).

Its very inconvenient that my colleagues take holidays. It means I have to get in ‘early’ and miss my baby-day. Hence the disturbance to blog frequency.

But I saw Lila for a bit early on and she was really pissed off with Arsene Wenger. Like, REALLY, throwing her toys out of the pram. Notice there no quotation marks for that phrase, because in this instance its not a metaphor, its for real.

Wenger was talking about the upcoming North London derby on Saturday specifically about ‘diving’; that lowly, duplicitous art whereby players take a dive upon the gentlest caress of their shins, or sometimes totally caress-less, in order to win a penalty because the ref thinks they’ve been fouled in the penalty area. And its true, diving is the real curse of the modern game. Its cheating, its wrong, nasty and evil. Yet is done by virtually all players given the right circumstances. Or the wrong circumstances.

Wenger said that ‘diving’, which originated over there in Europe, rather than here in Britain, obviously, has now changed and that ‘the English’ are the masters of diving’. And as his Arsenal barely play any Brits at all and Spurs provide the very backbone of the entire England team, some of the more sensitive among us take this as a direct slur.

Much as I really, truly hate diving, even when perpetrated so elegantly by our very own Dele Alli, it actually fills me with shame. I’m embarrassed when our players dive. But they do at times. Though not Harry Kane, which Wenger implied.

Wenger seems to have, as always, viewed the whole diving issue through the empathy-free Wenger-zone of one-sided arrogance. For which he’s famous. His players never ‘dive’. Yeah, right. The ‘dive of the season’ (yes, they rank everything on that intra-web thingumy) was won by Alexis Sanchez (he used to play for Arsenal but was too good so they sold him), and by Santi Cazorla wearing red, and numerous others who hang out at the Emirates. Jack Wilshire was booked for diving.

Ahhh, they weren’t dives, Wenger would probably say. Just like referees don’t give penalties to Arsenal like they do to other teams, so his players NEVER dive. Yeah right, Arsene, right. And if they did, he just didn’t see it, he was busy throwing bottles of water around the dug-out.

Everyone has the right to be a French tosser, but hypocrisy is always unforgivable.

Happy Friday

A xxxx