I ran round to the shops. As I left I called out for Alexa to guard and protect the house with her fucking LIFE!! Well, play Smooth Radio so that any would be burglars would be duped to thinking the home was occupied. Hah. Fooled them! Then I came back, no burglars around, and realised why I never listen to Smooth when I’m inside the house. White Christmas came on. Bing Crosby. The greatest Christmas song ever written, which no man should ever have to listen to twice. Let alone 63 times every day, every fucking year, from October 17th to January the bloody 9th!!!! I screamed at Alexa to change to Absolute Classic Rock. Phew. Bing went. Steve Tyler was singing about how a Dude looks like a lady. I immediately went online and ‘cancelled’ Aerosmith. Transphobic bunch of misogynistic, non-PC gorillas!!

The world order is changing. There’s no use of the word ‘Manchester’ in the Carabao Cup semi-finals. ‘Carabao Cup???’ I hear you ponder, ‘who gives a shit about the Carabao Cup?’ The answer to which is: the teams still in it. That’s why it represents the absolute ‘perfect’ Cup. If you lose you just claim it was a ‘distraction’ and now you can concentrate on really cementing 14th place in the league. But if you win, it suddenly takes on a new importance, less of an irrelevance. Which is why those last 4 places are now occupied by ‘the big 3’ and Arsenal. (For definitions and terms and conditions to entry into ‘big 3’, or ‘big 4’ status, please contact me personally to make something up for you. Arsenal fans need not bother, there is no appeal, my word is final. It ain’t gonna happen.)

Spurs beat West Ham last night in the quarter final. West Ham have always been really horrible, but now they’re horrible with aspirations way above their natural position (about 16th in the table). So it was nice to take them down a notch. Rabble.

But the Liverpool Leicester match was special. Leicester take a 3-1 lead, at bloody Anfield!!! Then, with the inevitability of a covid wave, Liverpool came back and scored the tying goal in injury time. Sending the match into penalties. Which I just had to watch, even though that was inevitable to a degree as well. And Liverpool won. Unfairly (if you’re Leicester fan), totally deservedly (NEVER GIVE UP!!!) if you’re a Liverpool one.

So now, as Spain is today going back to ‘masks to be worn outside’, we have 2 more days to panic that Tenerife might close its borders. I’ve filed tracking forms, I’ve ordered ‘day 2 tests’, and now I continue to panic. As is my right.

Happy Thursday

A xxxx