If a day is a long time in politics,3 days is fucking massive in not hearing from me. I’ve been busy. Couldn’t spare the time to write. Better things to do with my life. And thanks for all the messages of concern, ensuring I’m still alive, in decent health and all those other things you’re SUPPOSED TO CHECK WITH OLD PEOPLE!!!!

And why have I been so busy that I didn’t have a measly 30 minutes to spew out a toxic rant about my football team’s latest disaster? Or bemoan the state of the government’s clothing now they’re not sponsored? Defend Iran’s right to build atomic weapons even though they’re insane (by any possible measure)?

Because monsters arrived. As we’d always feared might happen. One minute it was peace and neatness and good karma in the house, and the next Lila and Joey arrived. For a ‘short stay’. Just 3 days. Just. JUST??? So their parents could spend some quality time being selfish, indulgent and… and sane.

Because you don’t get sanity with little kids. You get energy, noise and, in some cases (Joey, obvs), violence. You also get Joey in bed at 5.45 (Monday) and a sleep-woken Lila at 3.00am the next night, who turfed Mel out, cos the little one said ‘roll-over’. And because we’re grandparents, we never, ever use the ‘n-word’ (naughty), ‘our’ kids are ‘spirited’. And burdened with a grandfather who only ever heightens those spirits by over-excitement and verbal abuse. What doesn’t kill ya makes you stronger, right? Especially if it has treats attached.

Lots was happening in the world but who had time to read a paper? Watch the news? Write a blog? Just keeping them fed is a full-time occupation for 6 people. Joey’s ‘starving’ as he’s finishing dinner and needs fruit and toast and more toast just to see him through the last 20 minutes of ‘Chicken Run 2’.

But now it’s over. The house can be rebuilt. The devastation stored away and hidden. Until the next time. Oh. Its Thursday. That’s today. Run awayyyyyyyyyy…

Happy Lila-Joey Day

A xxxx