Boris has lost it. Assuming he ever ‘had it’ in the first place. He has descended into even more shambolic imbecility than was previously thought possible. He is giddy from so many u-turns. And he’s about to perform another. Has to. The ridiculous ‘social care plan’ which he threw together in a fit of mania with apparently neither thought nor consultation, because a social care plan was desperately needed, particularly in wake of the ongoing sleaze fiasco.

So here’s how it works, according to Boris. Who, pretty much for the first time for any Tory PM, has a mass of seats in the previously staunch Labour, northern working lands. The so-called ‘red wall’, a term I shy away from because it brings to mind Arsenal and free kicks. So anyone entering care will be responsible for the first £86,000, taken from the value of the home they’re leaving. Not a percentage of that home’s value, not a sliding scale of homes valued from £87k (Burnley) to £8.7mil (Richmond), but just a neat, flat, 86K!!!! And all in the interest of ‘fairness’. Holy shit. So Mrs Burnley leaves 10k to her 14 children, whilst Lord Richmond bequeaths shit-loads to whom he wants because the government are paying the rest of his way. Speaking as a Londoner fast on my way to senility, I think this is a great plan. Well done, Boris.

Then yesterday, whilst addressing a group of business leaders, Boris lost his place. Just stopped. Froze. Fumbled with his script. Couldn’t find his place. Possibly in the world. The seemingly endless stream of consciousness for which the PM is famous, seemingly ended.

So he started talking about Peppa Pig World and how great it is. He stopped short of telling this high-powered bunch of CEOs and COOs and other similar acronyms which particular ride he’d strongly recommend, but really. Really Boris? Peppa Pig World???

Although Joey was, for possibly the first time in his young life, suddenly engaged in politics. He loves Peppa Pig and, like Mr Johnson, had the ‘best time ever’ at PPWorld. So maybe this is the new plan: engage the next generation! Because current generations think he’s a tosser, previous generations loathe him (the northerners) or love him (those from the South East). So he’s going for the nappy vote. Or, in Joey’s case, the just out of nappy vote. Maybe he’s not a stupid as he looks. No-one is a stupid as he looks.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx