Look at this ‘table’:

1. Chelsea
2. Manchester United
3. Liverpool
4. Manchester City
5. Arsenal
6. Spurs

Now look at the league table:

1. Chelsea
2. Arsenal
3. Liverpool
4. Man City
5. Spurs
6. Man United.

The first table is the ‘most hated football team’ as voted by groups of fans representing all the premiership clubs. The least hated in the poll were Bournemouth (no-one cares about them and they haven’t been here long enough to build enemies), and Leicester (same as above but remarkable achievement last season earned masses of respect from all neutrals. Except Chelsea fans, obviously).

It doesn’t take a genius, or really a moron, or even a Chelsea fan, (if you can find one who can read) to note the similarities in the two tables. Thus it can be deduced that football fans hate success. They hate ‘rich’ teams, they hate ‘big’ teams and there’s a big jealousy element in all this.

I don’t think geographical factors enter, even though there’s just 3 London clubs and 3 from the North West. No-where else represented in the top 6. And as most London fans would ‘hate’ another London club more than anyone else, and the same applies to the Northwest, its not that these two sad regions have been ‘ganged up upon’ by the rest of the country. The bits no-one ever bothers to visit.

Stoke were 7th on the most-hated list but they always punch above their weight. No, literally, they punch everybody, will never rid themselves of their rather ‘industrial’ style of play, so are entitled to suffer in any popularity poll. And West Ham, currently 17th in the real league, were number 8 on the most hated. An interesting disparity that can only be really accounted for by accepting that they are really hateful in oh so many ways.

Yet the jealousy must be about perception of success rather than success itself. Spurs haven’t won anything for decades and yet rank high on hate. Arsenal haven’t won anything worth winning for ages but always act as if they have.

And when asked ‘which team do you hate?’ its really nothing about the players or their performances, past or present. Its a visceral distillation of everything you really feel about the club, the fans, the ground, the players, managers, team doctors and the price of a hot dog. Its everything boiled down into one byte. Just like the old hot dogs in fact.

Putting on my ‘impartial’ hat, the unpartisan, independent, free-thinking, Renaissance Man, neutral hat, I really think Spurs are wonderful and that if people hate them its just because they’re repressed Tottenham fans in need of counselling to bring out their inner cockerel. That’s not a gay thing. Least, I don’t think it is?

But you can’t argue with Chelsea at the top.

Happy Monday

A xxxx