What a fab weekend. How can it not be when the sun shines for 26 hours a day? But it’s what you do with those days which make them special.

On Saturday we had an event. It’s called an ‘aufruf’ and involves synagogue, prayers, slaying of the third born, ritual sacrifice and drinking blood. Usual religious shit for Jews. It’s for the groom to be. A pre-celebration of his wedding to come. So he gets to say lots of prayers, then we all go eat lunch. ‘Aufruf’ translates from the Yiddish as ‘WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING????’ It’s the groom’s last chance to run away before ‘the big day’.

Me and my synagogue are pretty much total strangers. Like distant cousins; we love each other from afar as long as we never meet up. But we had to meet. And I couldn’t stand outside with a stab-vest and walkie-talkie; my usual ‘synagogue attire’, I had to actually… enter!!!l The whole service!!! Well, I did my morning tai chi class first, obviously, then we strolled to shul (as it’s known).

Instead of the usual sabbath greeting of ‘Shabbat shalom’, all I got was ‘what are YOU doing here????’ All manner of witticisms along the lines of ‘your tennis club shut down then?’ As if to question my spirituality and commitment to prayer!!!

At the end of the service, you have the blessings on wine and bread then you ‘snack’. I tried to be restrained. I stopped myself mid-fish-ball, on several occasions. Only to fail. Mini-bagels. They’re only tiny. Better eat 5. Its just ‘THERE’, how can you not eat it? Even though we walked to the groom’s parents’ home for a sit down lunch, just minutes away. I can see why religious people are fat.

Sunday was also incredibly ‘civilised’. This time a 60th birthday party for our mate. In the garden, more food, this time ‘brunchy’ type foods. Which, as we all know, have zero calorific value. So might as well have ‘another’. The waiters sang songs from musicals, the birthday girls family grabbed their guitars and made their own musical offerings. And we just stood around eating. And drinking. And eating.

And here’s the best bit about lunch parties; you then have the rest of the day to do stuff.

Next time you have a party, make it lunchtime. Oh, and sunny.

Happy Monday

A xxxx