The latest ‘victim’ of the Panama Papers is Emma Watson. Hermione from ‘arry Potter, as she was known. She bought a little house for £3mil, as ya do, but it was actually acquired by a company in the British Virgin Islands. OFFSHORE!!!! The most lethal word/2 words in the world of shame. Of course, she is no longer Hermione, she long ago hung up her magic wand and witches cape to become ‘Ballbreaker in Chief of the Whole World’. Or, ‘UN ambassador for women’s rights’ as it is alternatively known. Yet by buying the house from ‘over there’, the stamp duty liability of about 400k magically disappeared! So she hasn’t completely lost her touch. Though her main motivation for using such a devious tool was to protect her anonymity. If her name’s not on the land registry, as it would be if it had been purchased here, then stalkers, pervs and sickos can’t find where she lives. Well, until today when its in all the papers, of course. Now its open season on retired magicians. I might pay her a visit myself.

But the football… it keeps coming back to haunt me. West Ham beat Manchester United last night, and beat up Manchester United last night; well, beat up their coach at least, to make the battle of Manchester very interesting and right ‘down to the wire’. Because now, if Manchester City win their last match on Sunday, they go to the Champions League next year and United will suffer the Europa League, doubtless under a new manager. But if United beat Bournemouth on Sunday and City lose away at resurgent Swansea, then those places are reversed. Ooooohhhhhh.

There is a bizarre set of circumstances in which West Ham could finish 4th and knock both Mancs out, but its complicated, involves scoring 17 goals in a match and I can’t be bothered to work out such a silly long shot.

Tonight is a truly massive game as Sunderland play Everton. And if Sunderland win they stay up. Its THAT simple. Sadly, for teams down that end of the league, winning is not ‘simple’ or they’d have been doing it all season and be up at the top. But its ‘in their hands’. However Norwich also play tonight and if they beat Watford, surely an easier task, and Sunderland don’t win, then it all comes down to Sunday, yet again. Newcastle have but one game left. Against Spurs. And, depending on what happens tonight, that could be their chance of salvation.

Spurs are in the Champions League, whatever happens. But I’m still in semi-disappointed mode because we’ve taken 2 points from our last possible 9. And so need a draw at least on Sunday to guarantee second place. Otherwise…

Let’s not go there.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx