It’s over. Man wins. Shed succumbs to the inevitable force and… becomes a shed. Maybe its Man 1, 1 shed. All but the door. Which apparently, in normal sheds is actually attached. But this is no normal shed. This is a SUPERSHED and thus the door just sits there. Awaiting someone stronger than Mel who is capable of holding it still and level for the 19 minutes required to insert 4 screws. I might go on ‘taskrabbit’ as a ‘shed assembly dude for rent’.

Because I took a trip on Friday to The City of London. I went on the tube. And sat in a carriage with my mask, gloves, face shield, force field, wet-suit, Batman suit, ski-pants, rubber mask, all wrapped in cling-film with two little holes to breathe. No-one got onto my carriage the whole way in. No-one. Empty.

Which is indeed a great way to travel by tube, particularly during a viral epidemic, but it also speaks volume about my city. No-one is going into work. No-one. They’re all lying in bed, setting the alarm for 7.45 to ‘log in’, then going back to sleep for 4 hours. Have brunch, in the garden, social distancing from your 5 mates also ‘working from home’, then check 3 emails before logging off for lunch. After that it’s Netflix time, just 5 or 6 episodes of whatever, before writing three replies and logging off for the day. Then just a quick message to the boss to tell him how ‘I’m so much more productive at home!! It’s amazing!!! Plus I get extra work time without the commute!!! It’s brilliant!!’

No-one is going back to the City any time soon. Only me. Friday was good because I’d arranged to meet several people at assigned times. Other than those people the streets were as deserted as the tube. And whatever happens to ‘end lockdown’, those who CAN work from home will be encouraged to do so til the bitter end. Until the virus is beaten. Until herd immunity renders it impotent. Until Dominic Cummings resigns. Until 2025. By which time they’ll be allowing 16 people to watch live football at the same time! In the same stadium!!

I’m going to become a full-time nanny/shed builder. I can hold a baby in one hand and an electric screw-driver in the other.

Happy Days

A xxxx