That’s from the bible. I googled it. And its true. Though I kind’a reckon that in Deuteronomy they meant ‘bread’ to mean ‘food’ and went on to explain that the word of God is needed as well as ‘bread’. Whereas until Gourmet Burger Kitchen start a ‘word-of-God Burger’, I’m afraid I’m going to take it literally.

I can’t live on bread alone. I need meat with it/in it/next to it/on a separate plate because its such a humungous lump of flesh. And in fact if you did live on bread alone, you’d be a fat bastard with scurvy. All those carbs? You havin’ a laaarfff??? Die if you eat that.

Such is the received wisdom, that ‘carbs will kill you’ by rendering you obese. We live in a carbophobic world where many folk would rather pass on the baguette and drink a glass of green slime instead.

All this because on Sunday Mel & I did indeed go to Gourmet Burger Kitchen for lunch. Because its wonderful. And fills you with guilt, as well as carbs and fats.

Because of that, we only go there when its nice enough that we can walk there. Oh, and when they have a ‘2-for-a-tenner’ offer. So conditions really do have to be perfect. All parameters aligned before we do it. Like a lunar take-off.

Because you don’t just eat a burger there. Even though they’re big and wonderful and filled with all manner of ‘manna’. You ‘need’ chips. And whilst you’re there, mate, bring us some onion rings too. And more beer.

Ok, we didn’t have the beer. Drank water. Just like in the bible. Until they messed up the order a bit and insisted we had free ‘strawberry fizzers’ so we wouldn’t sue them for the distress it caused me. And not bringing me food does cause me massive distress. Even after the fantastic meal I could feel a bit of ‘post-traumatic’ coming on.

So we pigged out. Royally. Wonderful too. And fully justified by the 2 mile trek across Hampstead Heath it took to get there, and the same on the way back. Mainly because Mel wouldn’t let me call a taxi, even though it was right there and empty.

And every day I read the papers for those little snippets that ‘a glass of wine a day is highly beneficial and you’ll live longer’, followed a week later by ‘if you drink, even one glass of wine, each day, you are an alcoholic’, and a month after, ‘one glass of wine is great for digestion; 2 and YOU WILL DIE!!!’ And then vegetables which one day are life-affirming, the next are death-inducing if you cook them, or eat them with fish. And I wait for the one that says ‘eat a hamburger every day, a really big one, with cheese and fries and chillies and you will live forever’.

I’m still waiting.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx