Further to these preposterous allegations made against me in the New York courts, I would like to finally make a statement. Clear the air. Answer the critics. And other anti-royal bastards. I thought I’d already made my position very very clear on this entire matter in the Emily Maitlis interview. In which I stated, categorically and unambiguously, that I have no recollection of any of the times, dates, people, places or sundry items mentioned in the allegations. The only bits I can recall with any degree of certainty are the bits where I did absolutely nothing wrong, illegal, immoral or against the Highway Code. So to recap: whatever was said to occur, I either wasn’t there or don’t remember a thing if I was. That should cover most of it. I have a staff of people to organise my whereabout at any particular time. Though it is true, they don’t follow me into a bedroom. Nor a school playground. The photographs of Virginia Roberts with me are possibly genuine but I can’t remember those situations specifically, if at all. I simply can’t recall every time an underage girl was on my lap, that would be impossible.

People say I displayed ‘poor judgment’ in my loyalty to Jeffrey Epstein. Which may be the case. But just because he had already been found guilty of statutory rape doesn’t automatically make him a bad person. Though the fifteen subsequent charges for abusing, molesting, trafficking and raping, basically, children, may indeed have made him appear a little ‘bad’. But he was such a nice person. Decent. Other than when he was being indecent. Which allegedly did take up a lot of his time. So I maintained my friendship with him. Even child abusers need friends.

I hope that clears all this up and they will drop all charges from their fishing expedition of a civil court case. Otherwise Mummy will get very cross.

The new football season started last night. I know they’ve been playing lower league matches for at least a week but no-one cares about that. The Premiership started, its game on. And the game was on. At Brentford. Who, in their first top flight match in 74 years, were given a nice soft start to what will doubtless offer more ‘reality’ as the weeks progress. Nothing too challenging. The League decided to give them a team famous for being weak, misdirected, lightweight but pass the ball a lot so the home team could rest a bit between attacks, whilst watching the footballing equivalent of masturbation. It worked perfectly, Brentford won comfortably, claimed their 3 points (possibly the only 3 they’ll get til January) and Arsenal plunge to the bottom of the table. The perfect start to the season and Spurs haven’t kicked a ball yet.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx