I was eagerly awaiting the Green Party manifesto. I’m desperate to know how they’re going to save the planet. Or, at least, save the borough of Barnet. And yet I’m a little confused.

To get their ‘manifesto’, they need to meet up. Traveling from across the country to a meeting place in, say, Stony Stratford, using up valuable resources, burning carbons, they can’t all fucking cycle there, can they? Then they turn on all those lights in the meeting room, drink coffee, or probably bark-water, being Greens, using only the bark of dead trees. And then they write down their manifesto. They plan it. Make notes, compile the list, embellish, re-do, put it on the computer (electricity and… wear and tear on fingers, shedding skin cells into MY environment) and eventually, they print out the ‘finished article’. On paper!! No wonder there are so many dead trees for their tea, they’ve cut them all down to print out their document.

Which no-one will ever read. Or care about. Or give a single thought to. Because, politically speaking, they are an irrelevance. A waste of my oxygen every time they speak. Yet they have some brilliantly innovative ideas. They want to throw another 40 billion quid at the NHS!!! Like it’ll make a difference. But where will they get it? Oh, they’re going to have a ‘wealth tax’. Millionaires and billionaires will be taxed on their assets. ‘Just 2%’. Well, a billionaire will be more than happy to give them 20 million quid every year. That sort of money is always ‘liquid’, lying under the bed in used notes. It’d be cheaper to get a divorce. Or… he/she could just move to Switzerland/Monaco/Caymans/Bermuda. And take their innovative, creative, job-creating mind over there. Great idea. Get rid of the people we need to ‘grow’.

They’re also going give a knighthood to Greta Thunberg and declare freedom for all of Palestine, an officially recognised state, with borders ‘from the river to the sea’.

Meanwhile, the leader of the Opposition, soon to be King-of-all-he-surveys, did the best ever impression of a ‘deer in the headlights’ when asked a fairly straightforward question for which he wasn’t prepared. Then was asked the best question of all: why did you say, prior to the last election, that Jeremy Corbyn would make a great Prime Minister? When later you sacked him from the party and accused him of all manner of evil? His answer: ‘Jeremy was never going to win that election’. Making Sir Kier my undisputed Tosser of the Week, even with such staunch competition from the Greens. Because, yet again, the man changes his mind about absolutely everything to the extent that he cannot be trusted.

Happy Thursday

A xxxx