Tonight’s match between England and Wales is simply massive. The consequences and repercussions will be simply immeasurable. Possibly because a lot of people simply ‘don’t care’ and its very hard to measure that in a quantitatively significant manner. But lots of us DO care. Greatly, deeply, passionately and… errrrr… big. …ly.

What will Prince William do? That’s the biggest question. He’s an Englishman and also the Prince of Wales. I have similar dilemma: I’m English but have visited Wales. Twice. Got a speeding ticket crossing the fucking bridge. But I bear them no grudges. Hmmm…

If Wales win, will that create a rush for ‘stick-on man-buns’? We’ll all be ‘going Bale’ and opting for the most unfashionable hair-cut ever imagined? Will we ‘do a Ramsey’ and dye our barnets blonde?

Here’s the situation, in case you’re not following all the details and statistical probabilities.

If England win, we win the group. Possibly the whole World Cup, but that’s next week’s discussion.

If Wales beat England by four goals or more (yeah, right) they go through automatically and England have to wait for other match between America and Iran to decide if we’re still involved. If America win that then Joe Biden becomes the new Ayatollah. If Iran win they get to send their Morality Police to Las Vegas. But if Cameroon beat Serbia then we get to send all our Albanians home. Unless Argentina lose to Qatar in which case all the Argentinians will be retiring to their new homes in Dubai.

So you can see; there’s a lot hanging on this result this evening.

But its the World Cup and anything can happen!!! I’ll be riveted to the screen. Hoping England don’t play like they did on Friday because I’ll fall asleep. And its before my bedtime.

Great article today by John Barnes, in the Times. Which shows that total tosser, Infantino, how to actually make the point about all countries doing things other nations may find unacceptable, in a way that is measured, intelligent and well put together. I vote Barnes for head of FIFA. Then take photos of Infantino kissing Sepp Blatter and leave him to the Qataris.

Happy Big Match Day

A xxxx